Tabula Rasa

I guess this time is a good time as any to start writing again.

It's 2009. I started this blog when I was 16. That was six, almost seven years ago...and right now...this is the first time that I'm glad that I made this thing. This may very well be the thing that saves me. This is my wonderwall. Here I put my thoughts...

2008...I made a lot of mistakes. I thought I knew everything, but I knew nothing. There were a lot of lessons waiting for me, and to this day...on this day, I realize all of them.

My biggest flaw: I know all my flaws. I've always said this...if you know all of your flaws, then you have the power to change them. Change is the key to existence. We have to adapt, if not for the ability to change we may not be able to protect ourselves...whether in a biological sense...or in an emotional sense. I guess I just wasn't flexible enough this year. I didn't bend when I was supposed to, instead I stood my ground hoping that no one would notice that I lied when I said I would change. But it's hard...its hard to change! Especially when you can't ignore something...how do you know when you're being stubborn or when you're being bold?

I never readjusted my study habits. I said I would. I thought that maybe the threat of failure could kick my ass...but I realize that is a job for only me to do. No one can kick my ass but me.

I think I just lost the war I wanted to win. I lost the most important thing.

2009 should be good, because there's nowhere to go from here but up. Maybe I'll rearrange my room for a new start....clean everything out. Maybe I'll relearn my guitar...or make bigger paintings...maybe I should just redo all my goals from 2008 because there were none.

Goals:
--Visit the gym at least once a week. If I pay...I must use! Or else...cancel. Hah.
--Cancel netflix and get blockbuster. I'm so bad at this.
--"i'm just so bored of wasting my time, love and death are always on my mind"...one day these words will lose their meaning to me...hopefully.
--Be a better cousin...daughter...friend. I know...I was terrible at this last year. Maybe I'll be better at this this year...hah.
--And the last one is to change. Stop being something that people break themselves against...start being the cushion. Stop being angry. Start being happy. I want something back...I want it all back.
--Take one good trip. Maybe to Disneyland with the cousins? Let's go to Seattle...always wanted to. Boston? Make it good.

Lastly...I will make sure that by the end of 2009...I will be ready to graduate in 2010. P.s. I should move up to the city next year.

I will i will i will i will i will i will i will i will i will. Its a promise. It's a commitment.

I hope all of you keep the goals you set out to do. Whoever the hell reads this anymore.

You have my heart, 2008.