Just because...

Pitseleh- Elliott Smith
i'll tell you why i don't want to know where you are
i got a joke i been dying to tell you
a silent kid is looking down the barrel
to make the noise that i kept so quiet
i kept it from you, pitseleh
i'm not what's missing from your life now
i could never be the puzzle pieces
they say that God makes problems
just to see what you can stand
before you do as the devil pleases
and give up the thing you love
but no one deserves it
the first time i saw you i knew it would never last
i'm not half what i wish i was
i'm so angry
i don't think it'll ever pass
and i was bad news for you just because
i never meant to hurt you

Sometimes I think about how all this came to be. How the present came to be, whether it is a result of happenings in the past or if it's all just meant to be. When did this exactly begin? When did that exactly end? And then sometimes I get scared of the future. Just because I can't imagine things being different or better or worse. I love the way things are right now. It's that spot where things come together, and of course, being the person I am, I'm questioning it. Waiting for the downfall. Because I'm used to it and I'm going to be ready for it. But then I'm backing myself into a corner, setting myself up to fail. Sometimes sometimes sometimes. some time. What time? When time? Who time? WHOSE TIME??

I told you I'm obsessed with time. Always fighting to clock. As I fight myself.

I'm sorrrrryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. This shit is so complicated. My wires are crossed.