Stencils

Dangggg. For some reason I feel guilty for not working lately. What is that?

So far, done did a lot of thinking. I've got this sinking feeling. Like...I just don't think I deserve the things I have. There's always gotta be room for improvement and change. If we settle for the people we are, then why even keep track of time? How's this relevant? Sometimes I just don't feel like I'm growing, and sometimes when I think of self-improvement, it feels like it has come to a temporary halt. Time to start up again.

School, or otherwise known as INSANITY, is starting in exactly a week now. Nervous. Why? Because time...time will be spread so thin. As will I be. Kappa, school, work, people in my life. I apologize in advance for some emo or anxiety. It's going to happen.

I've been sayin lately..."Remember when blah blah blah, I miss those days." This attack of nostalgia again.

Like remember when cousinhood was simple. Mon-Wed being babysat with Bryan and Gerald by mom, then Thurs-Fri spent at Tita's house. Weekends with dad. Saturdays visiting Nanay and Pang. Sundays going grocery shopping with dad. Nanay and her canned nuts and always offering us soda. Soda, which was forbidden and hard to come by at my own house. Family parties and playing house. Green jackets and colored socks. Not caring if my clothes don't match, though I don't really care now. A new bathing suit every year for the last field trip to the pool, I think that's why me and my cousins are so dark btw, because we all went to the same elementary school. Borrowing books from the library consistently. Snick. Saturday nights always meant the world to me.

So now I'm sitting in my room in this house that I didn't really grow up in. I am this person I never thought I'd be. And all my dreams seemed to have disappeared and all I have now is this vast hope-for-the-best feeling. Close my eyes, clench my fists, and just start chucking it at the hard stuff. Without strategy, there must be some odds that I will get out successful. Right?

Just wanted to share. Everytime I think about how happy I should be, I can't help thinking that it's just going to fall apart.

Well...enjoy your summer, readers. I'm sorry these come so infrequently lately. Got a feeling there will be a lot of venting sessions this year. So hold on to your socks. I got you something to read.