i felt it.

you're not fading?
and i felt it...
i'm not fading?
and i felt it?
you're not fading.
and i felt it.
and i felt it?

can't even think right now. fuckin annoying. because i've been thinking all damn day but when i need to think, i can't. typical. when you need something--ya can't. so i guess i'll stay up till my motivation comes. or at least till i get tired. or at least till i get scared that i'll fail. oh yes, that's what will get me going...

what is what is what will be.

what does that mean? huh? well. it's obvious i have no clear idea.

i hope i have lead poisoning. it'd explain quite much. but i probably don't. which then...means nothing makes sense. but ok. that's how it is. nothin makes sense. or...everything is losing it's sense. i'm going crazy, i swear...i don't know what's up. i'm up. then i'm...not up.

just gotta get through this week. then i can clean my head like tomorrow holds somethin...spring cleaning. mannnn i just wanna get so fuckin drunk. so fuckin drunk! i've been good. i haven't had a damn drink in like a week in a half and my last drink didn't do shit. and the drink before that...temporary elation. and the drink before that. and before that. nothing. it's been a damn while. fuck. take me out of my head!! that's all i really want. i hope manong does have that thing...because when saturday turns to sunday this weekend...i wanna crash because i'm drunk. and wake up in the morning and plant some eggs. and hatch a new person. again. make this shit go away.

i don't know, i really don't.

so fuckin tired.

you know i don't doubt you, i'll be there for you, i'll be right beside you just make your move.

this isn't the end. i know. i'm just sayin it because i can't deal right now with myself and the way i'm thinking. but i really am there. so don't think i'm bout to bounce. i'm just going crazy. and i know as i go crazy it's only going to negatively effect you. so i'mma just not. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. it just takes over.