The moon was so huge it scared me so that I was too afraid to get gas and I'm on red.

I'm exhausted.

I will not fall. I will not fall. I will not fall. I will not fall. I will not fall. I will not fall. I will not fall. I will not fall.

I will probably fall.

But I will stand up.

I will stand up. I will stand up. I will stand up. I will stand up. I will stand up. I will stand up. I will stand up. I will stand up. I will stand up. I will stand up. I will stand up. I will stand up. I will stand up. I will stand up. I will stand up. I will stand up.

This lack of sleep is killing me. It feels like there's no sleep time available until April.

I feel defeated in a way. Like, do I have to crash in order to receive a hand? A hand that I'm looking for? Not just any hand, I see the hands of strangers extended to me and not those who are closer. I guess I should just accept that. A long time ago I decided not to be dependent anymore, not expect because you always get let down. You think, I did this, so I should get that. But you don't control other people. And maybe you won't get it back. So just accept it. How many times do I have to remind myself. I'm a glutton for hope and the disappointment that comes with it.

I didn't make any promises this year, I just set my outlook in the positive direction. And tomorrow, I'll probably be able to do it, but tonight I just feel like crying like hell for no reason because I'm so tired. Everything is pulling at me. Family, school, Kappa, work I want to quit, onesided everythings. Maybe I'll regretting writing this tomorrow.

someone once said "I want you to want to," so why do I even have to ask? Who's looking out for me? Who has my back? I can only name a few.

I'm so tired. I'm gonna hit the hay. Hope I wake up fresh. Let the bad wash away with the dreams I'll forget. Maybe I'll forget all the things I miss.