chill.

today:
first day of school
got a wii, but nah, i'm not excited about it because it was too damn expensive and i just look at it nervously, scared to open the packaging. i'm a cheap chicken loser.
might lose my job, but its not that fulfilling anyway, but i just got a damn dollar raise. damn.
elemental fundamental spontaneous combustion

but i'm ok and it's ok. i just need to keep remembering that it's all NEW. i can do this on my own, and i just need to keep in mind the kind of person i want to be. i feel like if i just do my business and avoid any unnecessary situations in which i feel leftout/hurt/angry/sad/likeafailure then i'll be alright. then maybe i can keep the fresh outlook intact. without infecting it with the bad stuff the old me used as excuses. that's what im thinking anyway. i'm just tired. tired of trying to convince myself that a little bit goes a long way, because i need a firm grasp on that little bit in order to get anywhere. i don't want to keep struggling to keep it in my hand as i stumble along my path. i got a good head on, just gotta use it. just gotta keep the good, get rid of the bad. not let the things i can't control get to me. i know what i have to do. i've known it all along, but it's just a matter of doing it, of really executing it. fuck.

that's always the problem. to find a place to start, the building of momentum, because once you go, you're gone...and me? i can't wait to be gone.