Are ready for a little bit of drop n harmony?

I got Filipino pride. Yeahhhhh.

Finally, some human interaction. Ya know, other than the mom and sis and my bumbling blah blah dad. haha, hella buggin lately. Was nice. And I'm having work withdrawals? I have nothing to do! I even wish I had homework or a book or something! All I have to do is go Christmas shopping but that stresses me out because of all these checks I've been writing (all tonight), so damn. These kids are gonna get whack presents. Like cookies or something. Which reminds me that my grandma gave the boys ramen last year hahahaha. Cracks me up, man. Gotta get the Christmas shopping out of the way though. Gotta go bulk up on booze, because the weather is getting cold and the loneliness is starting to bite back. Ya know, I always thought independence could be my thing, I could figure it all out alone, but fuck. It digs me deeper and deeper into my hole. And that hole, my friend, is not a fun place.

But I forgot that my ma isn't going to be home anymore when I come home, so I don't have to drive around being fucking pitifully alone and I can just nap and stuff. Thank God. I think if that went on, I would have killed myself. you figure out if I really mean it.

Anyway, I think the meetings are better now because I ain't got no drama with nobody and I'm not important, so I feel no pressure, but for maybe the guilt of my absence. But I always go because I miss Kappa and what I thought it would be.

And the rides up and down are always nice, bonding times. So this is what I've been missin out on, huh. Now I know. Got a new appreciation for some people. And I've learned not to put people on pedestals, because what's left for them is to fall. And they always do.

This week should be good. I get to see all my favorite people--except you, dcruz, you sucker--all in one night. Because after the Kappa formal is the 404 party and the reunion of 404 and Alpha Q, quite possibly the coolest combination since Pepperoni and cheese. Take me, take me back to my high ass long twin bed. My little half of the room with my pictures on the back of Rik's desk. My thumbtacks. The petition to get me to prom on the inside of my closet. My spam calendar. Take me back. I miss those days hella bad. Things were so easy...the fridge was always stocked up with alchy, my loans went straight down the toilet, literally.

Speaking of, I realize that this is karma workin. That first year of college I came out of high school bitter, and I fuckin had so much fun in college, I didn't care who the fuck didn't because it was my turn. My turn to finally be the real me, to say fuck it to being the quiet one. And so I was like whatever, abandoned everything back home, even turned my back on my family. So now I know how it feels again. To not be that person. My life is one big fucking circle. I hate it. But I deserve it.

Mannnnnnnnn It's December!!!

Gotta get ya your present Franny!

It's gonna be a weird week. Monday is monday, group meeting. Tuesday is a party day, Chandra's birthday party! Wednesday got a presentation, and we're dancing, agh. Thursday is Fran's birthday! Friday is formal/404 day. And thank Goodness I got Saturday off, but it's also Kathleen's birthday. Got a lot to look forward to. Way to work out of this funk.

For real, for real. Be it alone or in a pack, I'm movin.