Quiet things

We won't let you in.

This is war.

I'm defeated. But as I walk I realize that it's the path I chose to walk. It's the words I spoke. It's what I thought I wanted. Essentially, all of the things I hate are the things I made myself hate. They defeat me.

You don't know what's going on in here. The push and pull. The everyday kind of forever and never. What to do. What not to do. Show some restraint. Push it away. And as I'm so desperately holding on to my head. How I'm trying so hard not to reveal the war in here. How I'm trying not to break the bonds that matter. But what matters? The monster in me knows no mercy. And it kills it. Every other day is like a battle with people I am close to. Keep em close, so the further you can push.

I'm not proud. I'm not proud of what I do. How I behave. How I give up. I'm not proud at all.

This is the price you pay for, loss of control. This is the break in the bend, this is the reason you're alone, this is the rise and the fall.

I'm so far from who I used to be. I dunno if that's good or bad. But I was talking to PRJosh last night and I realized what a fricken tool I am. Who am I? What happened to you, Vanessa? Where'd you go? But this is me now. I'm here. And I've always been here. I'm not mad. Sad and disappointed.

If only I didn't fuck up. If only I didnt do that. If only....it were just that easy.

Just that easy...but what's that worth?

Drudge on in your muddy boots. Step out of that puddle. Wipe yourself off and tread on. There's something waiting. What makes it through, makes it through. So let's make it through. It's so easy to fall...

Please use my body while I sleep. My lungs are fresh and yours to keep, Kept clean and they will let you breathe.

Is this the way a toy feels when its batteries run dry? I am the watch you always wear but you forget to wind. Nobody plans to be half a world away at times like these, so I sat alone and waited out the night. The best part of what has happened was the part I must have missed. So I'm asking you to shine it on and stick around. I'm not writing my goodbyes.

I submit no excuse. If this is what I have to do I owe you every day I wake. If I could I would shrink myself and sink through your skin to your blood cells and remove whatever makes you hurt, but I am too weak to be your cure.

So I'm asking you to shine it on and stick around. I'm not writing my goodbyes.

I'm not letting you check out. You will beat this starting now and you will always be around. I'm there to monitor your breathing I will watch you while you're sleeping.

I will keep you safe and sound.

Does anybody remember back when you were very young. Did you ever think that you would be this blessed?

Did you? I'm not writing my goodbyes. And one day, I'll be better enough to keep you safe and sound.