Light in my face.

I slept at 1am. Woke up at 3 for some reason, maybe because I heard my dad leaving, but then I got worried because I forgot to put my lipring in, so I put it in and I couldn't go back to sleep. Woke up late. Forgot my phone at home. Dead and efficient at work. I sold my heart out. I sold my heart. Hah.

Home. Finally. Feet hurt. should I sleep? The sun is out...I hate sleeping when the sun is out. And I haven't eaten today. Should I eat? I wanted to go out and buy some Christmas presents for the kids, or so I thought on my way home. But now I'm planted here.

Can't sleep for too long or else I can't sleep tonight. Then I won't wake up tomorrow.

Been listening toooooo "Degausser" by Brand New a lot lately.

"I'll let the bad parts in...the bad parts in."

My dream was scary. I don't know why it was so scary. Because my mom murdered my aunt in order to punish my uncle. Then we were hiding and trying to hide the fact. Make it look like an accident. Just me and my mom. And she kept leaving me at school. Not ours, I guess I moved. Alone again even in my dreams. I hate that feeling, but it seems to follow me even in sleep. AGH! Tried to socialize and make things seem normal other than my mom was a murderer and I was an accesory to her crime, but my heart was beating really fast, nervous we'd get caught.

Uhm. I think that's pretty random. Except according to my sister, and yeah, I know it's true, I have been treating my mom in a way she shouldn't be treated. My misery loves company. But I just wanted her to know that I was miserable. Not necessarily that she's a bad parent, just that I feel the way I feel, and the pressure they always speak of doesn't make things easier. And in light of my new failures...all of it's just more intense.

Well. I guess I'll sleep. Well...what dreams are left?