faith

Quitter. Call me a quitter. "Game time." But I feel like I quit. Hah, I didn't even give it a chance to prove it to myself. I didn't want to step foot into my second class, so I didn't. I was freaking out about opening the packaging of that expensive book and being beyond the point of returning it. Plus I was scared of

• failing
• pressure
• being too tired
• failing
• being tired of failing

Agh, I know I wanted to, I know this is way better...but I've always been one to be alright with the hard way. The hard way is my way, but I just felt like I couldn't handle it. And now, I have open t-th, and I'm thinking about changing my work schedule to work on Tuesdays and Thursdays. What does that show? I'd rather work than go to school? Man, that's all fear! Man...I'm all fear...

Don't you wish you were fucking me, so you could understand this right now? Because I honestly sometimes forget what I'm trying to do and let my fear get the best of me. Agh...why not quit altogether...

Now I truly understand. I truly made this for myself. And the next three years of my life...yeah I made those too. And I'm making them. And they're gonna be long and hard because all I do is quit to make them harder.

Fuck. Yeah. Drowning it. Like I drown everything. Drowning you out.