At heart.

From The Fountainhead: "All love is exception-making."

I guess so? Because you make exceptions for those people. Because you trust the exceptions are for the right reasons.

Contemplative. Feel like I should be busier than I am. Laying in bed under the covers with my jeans on. That feels so gross, but I'm too tired and reserving the possibility that I may go out later. My days should be better occupied than dreaming of drinking and watching tv. I don't even like what's on.

Sleep cures all. And yes, it does. Lying dormant, your mind is not. The ceaseless machine, I'll stop thinking when I die.

See. And I keep yawning. Maybe I'll try to clean my room and reward myself with ice cream or something...or...I don't know...something that makes me happy. What is that? I don't know, but I feel capable. After the nap, which is what I always say.

I'm feeling nervous that I have less than 100 bucks in the bank right now. My money runs as much as my mouth. And both need to be under control. That should be a long term project. Hah. That'd be nice.

Next week. ADVENTURES! It's my last week before I have to work too hard. I need to do it up.

Damn I'm so nervous. I'm so nervous that I'll fuck up. It's been all talk so far, all thoughts too. Gotta do this and that. Gotta SUCCEED. Gotta PASS. Gotta GET IT TOGETHER. So fuck...that's what I have to do. And if I don't do it...because it's not a matter of I can't, because I probably can...if I can't do it, then I guess I just LOVE to hurt myself like that. And I can't be more lucid than I am now, so I can't fuck up...it's important.

Important. Important. Prioritizing. Who was it...I heard it this week. I forgot from who, someone said LIVE TODAY. What is that? What is living? Aren't we? Is it breaking your back to get to school on time? Is it worrying about going to class and making it to work? Is it about doing your job? Is it about putting everything off and retreating to home so fast after you never get to hang? OR is it about saying fuck it to all of that shit...all of the OBLIGATIONS, RESPONSIBILITIES, PRESSURES, AND BULLSHIT to have fun? What is it?? What's the right answer?! I say fuck it to all that, what's tomorrow going to be like? I've been living like this the last two years. "Fuck it to have fun." Man, I feel like I'm nowhere right now and I'm trying to swim out. But the water is only shoulder deep, I can see above it. Not sure if I'm supposed enjoy the time I got while the water isn't too high, or if I'm supposed to paddle to land, just in case tomorrow is THE DAY that the water finally covers my head.

I don't know what I'm saying. Honestly. But...sometimes I don't know what to do. Of course, typically.

It's almost that time. You know it because the blogs are longer. Hah. More thoughts.

In other news. There is no other news. Uhm, I love my life? I'm thinking about finally pushing that button. I'm thinking about thinking. I think.

Television. Maybe that's the second cure. Hah. Listyyyyyyyyy.