Organized Chaos

I knew it was going to be a crazy day. Hah. Well. Let's just say I stayed after at work for over an hour. I spent 5 hours running around dealing with some pricks. I've never bullshitted so much in my life. I never hated the sound of my own name like I did today. I've never been so happy to see a bottle of water. I've never been so stressed out about work. I became who I hated, the one who took her job too seriously.

At one point, I said "You know, I hate this too, sir. You know what, if I could, I would like to get that for you, but there's just no way I can do it."

To which he replied that it wasn't me, he just hated the situation. Yes, sir. Just write to Microsoft.

Some people think you can pull product out your ass or something just because you're wearing a blue polo. Nah, because if I could, I'd have my sexy black macbook. Or everyone would be happy with their beloved poopoo covered rare DVD. Give me a break.

For a brief second I was thinking about it and I started to have a feeling like I regretted this summer because it seems like I wasted it. Wasted? I dunno. I was productive. I went to school and found a job two weeks after I came home. I saw where that symbol on my body comes from. The one I wear so proudly, so permanently. Two weeks of doing nothing? That's awesome. Good food, good halo halo. So what...lacking people who I missed like hell. Text messaging. But those rare times I got to a dirty communal computer made my week. And all the mosquito bites, yeah they were worth it. Yeah, I wish I got to do some things, wish we got to see more places, wish we got to meet more people, but what can you do with time that has passed?

Not much, I guess.

Search me, here are my hands. Only damage done probably to my liver. Yeah, and my only regret was depending on others to help me pick myself up. Vanessa, Vanessa, Vanessa...you only do that alone. It doesn't help. And it doesn't matter because I know what I have to do now.

Yeah, sure. My heart is surely breaking. Search your hands now. Do you see the blood? That's right.

But back to the quiet. Days spent in front of radiating picture makers, fricken lapheaters, my guitar Jensen Brooks, and a painting that must come with inspiration. I know it'll strike. Just waiting.

This is the organized chaos in my brain. And hooray. I close tomorrow too.