On the edge of my seat.

I don't know why I always wake up at 9 now. It fucking sucks.

So this is what's going to happen. This is what I'm going to do:

Note to self: The cure does not come in liquid form, does not come from sharp objects, does not help in yelling, does not work for blame, does not involve others, does not help if you don't accept no goddamn cure.

So I'll just play this normal. Forget this shit. I'm hella tired of this shit. What does it take to be numb? To be normal? Is this the longest down ever? Nah, it can't be. It's not like this sometimes. How fucking weird. It's so fucking weird. I understand it, but I can't stop it. Or is it that I don't want to?

I guess the only reason I allow cycles is because I will not break myself out of them. How to do that? To hold nothing I care about. This journey is one that should only be endured by me. This is my secret mission.

I have to remember the "secret" part and stop being a fucking punk to everyone.

So fuckkkkkkkk that shit. If it comes out, SLAP ME. TELL ME TO SUCK IT UP AND TAKE IT HOME. SERIOUSLY. I'M ASKING YOU TO DO THIS. Like Joanna says...but in a different context...if you support me through this, you're allowing me to do this to myself everytime. So don't. Because this cycle has to end sometime. And I am going to see it end.

This summer fucking sucks. Hah. Okay, for me. You don't have to hate the summer. I feel the need to say that.

Oy, and turned in the keys yesterday. I no longer "live" in SF. Hah. It was weird. But I guess it was all meant to be like that, or not meant to be, or something, because now I'm gonna be going to school down here longer than school up there. And Tyrone owes me a drink everytime he sees me, he said it. haha. Come September, this year is going to be a blur, a trip, a struggle, a pain in the ass. Okay, maybe not the year, but the rest of this year. Two-thousand-suckass-six.

Alright, I'm failing Critical Thinking. Because I got inebriated the nights before my first two tests haha. That'll do it. And I got a test today...hahaha. So I'm gonna study since I'm up early.

If you're calling me out...count me out.

Have a good day everyone.