"Plan of the Man"

Oy. I think I'm falling into the same mistakes I've seen other people make in my life. I'm falling for the shit that runs in my blood, I'm running with it. And in an effort to save myself, and to save faithful eyes from failure, I need to moderate and tolerate.

The only thing remaining in that apartment that's mine is my bed. And a few dishes...but eh. Someday maybe.

Don't remember what I said exactly to anyone...don't remember how I fell asleep. I had other plans.

I called my mom to say Happy Birthday, but then she told me to call her back. I was awake for a while, but I forgot too. Then I knocked out, and when I woke up, I remembered too late. And I put it off too late today, I didn't call them to tell to be safe on their trip.

They come back tomorrow, and yes, I am happy about that. So no more drinking at my own will in my own house. No more watching TV downstairs. No more going out whenever I want. But, I'm happy they're coming home. I feel like I need them. Because with all this control, I'm losing it. My life is no fun. Always something to do.

It's only 10.

Eh, tomorrow will be busy. Got work at 8. Like are you kidding me...I can't even get to class at 8. Oh well. Four hour shift. Then skipping school to come home and clean. We're not doing anything there anyways. I hate Critical Thinking because I'm not a good thinker. I'm brash. I dunno why I hate work. But I do. Like torture. Then pickin up the good old parents with Manong. Yee. They got the goods. I hope they don't have any bright shirts for me...oy.

I dunno if it's time to sleep or if I should bring up more boxes into my room. Maybe watch a movie? I'm not that tired. But just in case I'm a zombie tomorrow I have two doubleshots in the fridge calling my name.

I don't know if I should be sorry, but I'm sorry. So yeah. Like I said, I'm brash. Too many years of being absolutely alone, sometimes I think I still am. So I push and push because I think I'll end up alone anyway, so why prolong it. And I resent it if I am right...about things, because then I had hope, and if I'm right then it means that the hope was worth nothing. Someone needs to prove this cynic wrong, because I keep losing faith in people each day. Need something to believe in.

Guess I should sleep.