home run.

AH. We weren't gone for too long. But fuck, it felt like forever. Most seriously. It felt like forever. Let's take it from the top? Stop here if you don't wanna hear about it. It wasn't that exciting. haha...

PLANE TRIP! Well the day that I left, I woke up early and took Gerald to take his driving test. I'll let him tell you what happened. But I think it's common news anyways. He passed. Hahaha...sorry. Just pretend you didn't know if he tries to be dramatic and lie. He's done it to everyone already. hahaha...after that, he wanted me to drive home...so I did. Then manong took Gerald, Christine, and I to eat some Greek at this place he was raving about. (it was aight). Went to church, bought some rosaries. I still haven't taken mine off. Cousins and Uncles saw us off.

12 hour trip, one hour wait for luggage. Hot, humid in Ninoy Aquino International Airport in Manila. As soon as we got out and got in the van, my hair blew up at the humidity. My mom laughed and said "what happened to you?" hahaha, punk. But yeah, so as soon as we got out of the airport parking lot, (with two people around my ma's age who are my cousins, my grandma, and Ellyvan (his name is Elly but in my grandma's phone he's Ellyvan)) a kid came up to the window as we approached a stop light and my mom's words catapulted from her mouth.

DO YOU SEE HOW HARD LIFE IS HERE?

Blah blah, finish school speech. And then I was freakin out when we were driving because there are no fricken rules! I kept thinkin we were goign to crash and my grandma would laugh and say in tagalog that I was freaking out. Anyway, I'd like to say that I was shocked in a good way by the Philippines, but at first it just looked so...bleak. Like sad. This is your beautiful homeland? I thought. This is where my parents want to retire to? To traffic, solicitors in the road, pollution, garbage, piss, (BAWAL UMIHI DITO) BAWAL BAWAL BAWAL, no rules. I didn't get it. So I closed my eyes for five hours and when I woke up we were in Nueva Ecija, Cabanatuan, my mother informed me is the capital of San Jose City.

At Cabanatuan we went to eat at the mall. I kept close the words of my cousins, precautionary words, and I tried not to speak. Haha, I think they cursed me for my whole trip. I clung to my rosary, never spoke unless spoken to, touched back, smiled at everyone....oh goodness. I HATE YOU SOMETIMES, COUSINS. haha...Well then they wanted to go shopping but nothing would fit my sister and I so we just left with some socks. Haha...

When we got to Tayabo (my ma's barangay), Grampa was waiting for us, sitting down in front as usual. As he always is. Got there and sat down. Saw pictures all over my gramma's house that were from years ago of us. Can't believe she has those. hah. Chilled, then took a shower. Now my Gramma don't have a water heater so all of the showers we took were cold. But on that first day it felt good...

I should hurry this up, because if I do this day by day, I'll just make it too long. But...K, so we went and saw my ma's place, the park across the street, met the people who haven't changed, met our cousins, my ma's cousins, and everyone seems to be all related. I didn't know whether to say Kuya/Ate or Auntie/Uncle. I got pukul pukul? twice with my sister so nobody would put spells on us. Looked at old pictures, my gramma has hella pictures. Some I've never seen. Like from hella long time ago. When I was a cute baby and with my young dad. And there's one she showed me from when I went there when I was 2 and my mom is carrying me as we're walking throught the airport. My mom looks young in it. I look like a baby. i wish I could have taken it, it's a nice shot. the photograph all old...yellowing. It's a classic. Saw hella lizards and bugs, got hella bites. Went to the internet cafe twice. Hah...Halo halo yummier iin the Philippines. Birthday was THWACK. But oh well. Uhm. Guess that's it. Went to Baguio, Tagaytay, Manila, Manaoag. Yup...

I liked going from my gramma's house to the city the best, because you'd see the countryside and the caribao and the farmers and the goats....from the park across the street you can see a bunch of green...mountains a swim across away. In a way, I couldn't take it no more ya know...it sucked seeing people so poor. But they were happy, it seems. No need for a job. Got hella kids. Maybe things are simpler there. Here it's like organized, complicated lives we have. Luxuries we take advantage of. Dwell in our miseries...really, life don't suck so much here. I'm fuckin glad to be home. To warm showers...soft bed...a car, normal driving rules, my cousins, going out whenever...and in the meanwhile, our parents work 5 out of 7, 8+ hours so we can be spoiled. I feel bad.

Dude, I saw the place where we come from. People who look like me but don't act like me. I should have thought about it before I got that tattoo, because I don't know what it means to be Filipino. I can watch, I can see, but I don't know firsthand. Seems like a gift and a burden. Seems like you know, but then you realize you never really knew at all.

Oh gosh though...

I ate my rubberband on the plane for my lip ring retainer. haha...how weak. Should I even try sleeping. According to my Philippine watch, I would only be watching tv right now. Maybe ready for my nap. I dunno.

Good to be here! Good to be there. Left my ma there. I miss my mommy.