Circles

Remind not to try to paint circles anymore...it's too hard. I've been working on a circle for like an hour. With a toothpick.

Lazy days are the best. So maybe this break isn't bad after all...I've just been a poophead. Maybe I've been a poophead for a while now and didn't notice. This break doesn't suck. I found a new hobby!

Why do I say this now...earlier I sent an email...and damn I got another one back hella quick. And it wasn't short of inspiring. Thanks, though you'll probably not read this...

Keep exploring Van, I know one day something will find you and hold you down to see priority clearly and it'll be wonderful. You know its gonna be you finding you right. Let it be in any form you choose Van..

So I been soul-searching at the gates of Hell for a long time. Wondering if I should just step in already because it's been years since I looked at the world with innocent eyes. And even then those eyes only held visions of this elaborate and glorious future. It was a painting only I could imagine. Here and there I've held alternate versions of this hope, but some things stand as still and stationary as my own two feet glued to this mortal ground. I'm starting to move like the person I guess I hoped to be. Even if I'm not the breadwinner anymore...the one to be proud of...I don't care. Didn't matter anyways...I only hope that they come to know all the things I've done and the intent of it and are proud just for that. Not ashamed for the mistakes I've made or the life I haven't made...or the path they paved for me that I can't picture myself following. None of this makes much sense because only my mind is in control now of the words on screen. And my heart is sending signals to it. Telling it what to say.

It's going to be me finding me. It's going to be you finding you.

I love the people who flitter in and out of my life, who are there, who remain in the background but are still there...or who are always in my face. I love ya know...this really is that kind of year, huh? Keep going back to the beach staring at the endless waters. Someone on the other side yelling the same shit?

FUCK IT! FUCK IT! It's all love. You remember that.

Yeah sure, you miss the times...but life's about living not looking back.

Peace.