if you still hear my voice

Give me a sign.
Let me Know.
You're still here
Like it
or
Not.


That's all I ask.

Mama walking in my store
asking me for help
Tailspins
Spinning around and around on my head
Sending me
To realize the
Wrong and the rights
I k n o w
N o w
The right thing to do
N o w
Is to finally surrender
i can't do it
Thought I could--"one day" felt like now.
Forever ago I didn't understand and now I understand too well to forget.
I am selfish trying to be selfless.
Sorry. I apologize.
I don't deserve your love and your struggle
I could spend forever
trying to prove that I can be what you want
Selfish trying to be selfless.
Your daughter loves the world too much
That even the beating of the heart hurts
Crazy pills
increase
the
amount
of
suicidal thoughts, it says
Ma.
I don't deserve it. But I'll spend forever trying to
justify
Your fatigue, your hacking seasonal coughs, your insomnia
Your narcolepsy
Your lack of being there
Things that are done and over with
That I still think about sometimes when I think about Thursdays and Fridays at Tita's house.
Man. I love you.

And it killed me when that woman walked out and I realized that she couldn't even write her name for me
And how she reminded me of you, how tired she was.
This is to the woman who loves her man too much, sometimes I think she would throw her children in front of a train.
This is to the woman who loves her kids so much sometimes I can hear her worried breathing. Or her voice rise when she is mad,
but it's for your own good, we know.
Ah. Love them. Don't deserve them. I'll spend all my life. It's time I start the sacrificing. So far...it hasn't been worth shit. Fuck me. I'm full of shit. Sorry.











Good people. Deserve good things.