INSOMNIA.

I wonder who still reads this. Even though I put the link in my profile, I really don't expect people to check anymore since I don't really write as often. But yeah...

FUCKING INSOMNIA. I think my body has grown accustomed to 5 AM naps from my nightly chats with the overseas NICOLE. Not that it's a bad thing! I'm just saying...But yes.

This is my winter break:

Go to work...Come home and sleep...Meeting or do nothing, or maybe even sleep until late/early morning...then i can't sleep, so i stay up until I get sleepy...Wake up...Go to work. Days off are so wasted. Well, actually all my days off were holidays, and then other days I was out with cousins or mom. This break is whizzing by. I remember last year, it was so slow. But this year, it's blink-or-miss. Kind of crazy.

I just watched the first half of Doctor Zhivago. Made me cringe. What a brutal story. I had forgotten about the war...and the gross. Hah. Brutal.

Winter reading list:
-The Heart Is A Lonely Hunter ("It's about misfits"-A Love Song For Bobby Long)
-Dream Jungle (because we never read it for class)

Funny how watching a movie makes me want to read a book. Or how reading a book that mentions other books makes me want to read those. A long time ago, I used to get really moded when I didn't know what I was talking about, and my dad used to call me on it, all the time...so now, I just try to know whatever I can. I said I tried, damnit. Hah! I still get moded. Hahaha, but I mean, if I were a doctor, I would want to know all of my shit. You feel me? I think one would call people like me a dabbler. I dunno. Like my taste in music. DABBLE. Hah. Just to have something to talk about with the customers. Some guy came in and bought Little Brother (Hip Hop) and I started a conversation, and he just kept pulling out shit I didn't really know, so I just smiled and nodded saying stuff like "You did that?! That's awesome." Oh gosh. Or this other guy who came in and wanted this movie that we play a clip of on FYE TV. And then I just asked him if he needed help and he got into this whole older-movies-are-way-better-than-these-mainstream-wastes-of-time kind of talk, but he was truly nostalgic for those movies...so I just kind of stood there listening to him talk about Steve Martin flicks. Sometimes you just gotta give people that time they deserve.

Watching The Outsiders, it's one of those movies that my dad would sit and watch on Saturday afternoons if it was on TV. I miss Saturday afternoons. But yes. Anyway... "nothing gold stays."

I keep yawning, but my eyes aren't sleepy. Which means how can I sleep if my eyes won't close??? That's such a poetic question. Well, ya know...I live for that stuff. I should add stop cussing to my list of things to do.

It's funny...last year I didn't drink or do anything during the break, but why do I feel more pure this year, than last? It's weird. It truly feels like a new year. Last year...I dunno. I didn't want to leave 2004 behind I guess. It was too good. But I'm so eager for 2005 to be over. And grateful that it ended and I have an excuse to start over.

Been a while since I blogged here really long.

GAH

3 hours until I have to "get up." I'm going to be useless at work. Maybe I'll get 1,000,000 espresso shots. Hah. Okay fine...849,723 only...GEEZ. Talk about breaking my back...BUT two days off...Thursday and Friday. So yay.

Four-hour shifts are just right for me. Otherwise I get really restless. Tell me why I need to stretch when I'm at work. I just feel the need to. I feel the grog coming. Hah.

Bravo! bravo. BRAVO. Thanks for calling FYE, home of the backstage pass, this is Vanessa, how may I help you? Sometimes I feel like answering the house phone like that. But then when do I ever pick up the house phone?! I'm never home.

What's with guys with afros....

I really should sleep...

but.

YEAH.

fine.

I will sleep. Now I'm hungry though. It occurred to me all I ate today was this beef stuff my mom made. Fuck. Why did I shower tonight...it means I have to do something to my hair. DANGIT. Of course I never think about how tired I'll be. I let my mind take over my bodily needs, thinking I can overcome anything, but my body keeps us in check and sometimes is the greatest enemy. But, that's LIFE.

You know...I don't know...hah...TRYING TO WRITE UNTIL THE SONG IS FINISHED. Smashing Pumpkins-"Disarm" by the way. In case you'd like to know.

Not over, but whatever. GOOD MORNING.