City Livin...

..And the livin' ain't easy.

What can I say...I nearly cried when I left home and I'm glad I drove away fast enough to not let it show. Sorry Chris, I couldn't hug ya...I knew you were gonna cry too you little sucka.

I'm back. Back...I think I left my heart in San Jose a little though. Everything feels so final and strange, and I can tell everything's going to be different now...but I can't figure out just how exactly or why or what is going to happen. I guess that kills me. I do find myself excited to face the challenge of my mission this semester. But I ultimately know my decision for next semester, yeah, decision not choice. Though I'm tricking myself for the time being...just so I can succeed. Of all the things I have done. All the studying and the zoning others out to succeed academically, I think this should be a piece of cake once I find my old focus. And apply it to my new life.

I find driving to be a bore when I have a purpose for driving. When I'm in a rush.

I find driving up to the city to be a sad trip. And I find that I make sad mixes for myself. Maybe that's just me.

i would leave to return more lost than before a little more tired a little less sure of where i was... the earth would move but we would stand in place, hide in the shadows of the dead... we're almost out of time yeah we're almost out of time. (Matchbook Romance "What A Sight")

Next semester...
We're going to pass classes.
We're going to do what we have to do.
We're going to get the hell out of here as soon as possible.
We're going to dodge the bullshit as best we can.

And don't worry...don't worry. We're going to get through this. Live through this, and you won't look back... (Stars "Your Ex-Lover's Dead").

And all the corny goodbyes today have left me exhausted. The lovely text messages and the tight hugs though I'll be seeing them in a week...thanks. Hope nothin changes too much after this...because I kinda like having something to come home to.

Trot...trot. Trotting along now. Like a horse.

On a less sad note...(s)

The house in Tracy is fuckin awesome. So fuckin huge. I wish I could live there...there's cows and shit and it's in the middle of nowhere...but gahhh it's so cool. I just like how it's empty. It's like so many things we can do!!! But they plan on renting it out so it's not completely ours to have...and it's not even ours, just us, so eh. But still...COOL.

And the dinner with the FYE folks was cool. Stayed out pretty late on the beach in the dark just talking about the most random shit, but what can I say about them other than that they're cool people. Different than anyone I've ever known, but...it's a good thing in this case. Fun times. Is it weird that I think FYE is so cool...haha...

GOTTA WAKE UP TOMORROW. See you soon everyone.