Stress

Stress. Relief. Separate. Authorities.
Do well.
Here.
Fail there.
dreams unfulfilled
a life left unlived
and a life undesired to be lived
torn between
family
and
obligation
passion
and
reality
and they still have to remind
you
everywakingsecond
that if you fail.
you fail.
no ifs, ands, or buts,
no exceptions
you fail, you fail them.
torn between
yourself
and others
your mind
and
your eyes.
take the knife
if you weren't so afraid of dying
but you are
and it keeps you living
for temporary moments that make it "worthwhile"
and all the rest...
is in constant turmoil
dodging phone calls like they're bullets
lying like you're telling the truth
when the truth really is
there's no end
if there's no understanding
and honestly
i don't think they'd understand.

My dad and his "Make me proud." Don't let this sorority interfere with your studies. I don't like you having meetings during the week when school starts. I think you're taking too much time....

Dad, what I really want to say to you is...I'm trying to make you proud, I'm always trying to a person you can be proud of, I don't know how to get to you. This sorority is where I am right now, and you're ripping me out. Those girls...man, they're not only my sisters, but they're like my only motherfucking friends. So fuck, Dad, tell me what I got myself into...because I didn't even ask to be born. I didn't ask to be constantly trying to make you proud of me. I know I'm a failure because you tell me all the time with your looks, your yells, your disapproval. I love you because you're my dad. And I'm sorry for the past, present, and future. Reality is, if you're not proud of me by now...I don't know if I'll ever make you proud. Because that means droppin everything...but I'm already deep in it.