clear

I suppose my current mood is that of one stuck. Stuck, between past and present. Mind off the future. Lonely and I don't care. Nor do I realize. Just avoiding home...and everything that has made it home, and everyone that I used to be affiliated with...because I need space to breathe for a while. Just a moment. And so this is my moment of clarity, because for the time being, I have complained, and wanted to change things, but I got started, and didn't follow through. So it's my bad. Sorry for getting hopes up. Hopes of seeing each other before Summer ends, because I don't know if that's happening...I'm going up soon for two weeks and I am so stuck here. No motivation to get my ass up and out of this house.

Irony of the matter is, I found myself home alone today for a few hours, and I thought that was peculiar. A rare occurrence. So I went out to wash my car and did as the sun went down. Since I had to move the car, I decided to just go out and rent a movie as a reward for nothing. And of course, like a scene from a movie, a pathetic movie, I was the only one in the store. Well of course, Saturday Night, everyone is out. But I have no life. So yes...came home and did hella laundry. Packed up. So I'm kinda ready to go...except that I need to decide what day...hang out with friends I haven't seen, teach my cousin how to drive...

Seems there's no time...I hate being torn between the uncontrollable...I hate being torn in general. Time sucks. But then again, I wake up each day surprised to see the sun...or the clouds, whichever, because I honestly didn't expect to come this far.

4 AM. Goodnight.