finally home. not for long.

Home. Finally. Fuckin Grease is playing, because of my cousin and sister, when I came home they were acting mighty weird with the hugs and stuff. Why...so cousin and sister, quit being weird and tell me, freaks.

"Freak."

"I'm not a freak..."

"No I just used it in replacement of FUCK. In replacement of an expletive."

"Fuck. Freak. Freakin A."

So woke up at 8, which is why I was so set on going to bed early last night, amazingly Rosanne called me to wake me up, which is like...a miracle. Hah, then we left and went to meet Nicole at Bart, then to get our keys...looked at our apartment. Cool. It smells like paint other than the kitchen...that shit needs some febreeze. It's smaller than Emma's but it was a surprise when we got in there because it's different from Emma's. Emma's OLD ONE. that is. Yeah, dude, I hate the cloud over that part of Frisco. Immediately got sleepy once we hit the cloud...and kinda sad. So anyway, spent hours helping Joanna and Rachel move their stuff into storage...which was kinda cool, felt productive, strong, there was no need for men. Girl power. Say whaaaaa...went to Ikea, bought a 20 DOLLAR DESK! And Nicole and I are gonna get CAMO COMPUTER CHAIRS!!!! Hella tight. Still need a bed and I'm good. But we need couches and stuff to sit on. Hah...yeah, that's essential. But I think it'll be fine. It already feels kinda like home...actually it feels like 404...just the way the light comes in through the window, I think...and it's as white as an asylum. After Ikea went to eat dinner, then dropped them all off. Yeah, but finally home. I like how...we are who we are, and when we're together, we are who we are.

There are so many things to do. A lot of things to buy and stuff to think about. Moving is stressful...

And in the midst of it all, I'm not ready to move. I can barely look at my room and think of things to take. I don't really wanna, honestly...Yes, Chris, I'll miss home. There, I said it. I'll miss home. Because as far as home is concerned, this was a good summer, wasn't it? Didn't really fight with the parents, did everything they wanted me to, did almost everything I wanted to...ya know...have a good time at home like that and it's like...why would I leave and now have to go take care of bills and DECORATING...plus, MANONG STANLEY is actually around, kinda being THE MANONG. Helping my cousin start his life...although I've been a crank lately. Man, I'm a bitch....

But of course. Yes. No. Always. Never.

We're moving in. Here's to something new.

I have a lot of regrets about the last time. And I hope I don't make the same mistakes. Why do I hope? Because it's so fuckin hard to make myself feel something, or make myself NOT FEEL something. I hope you know what I mean.

Must be PMSing, because I got all teary in the car when we played the song. You know what song...but maybe that's because I've been saying "Remember when's" the whole day with them...like remember when we didn't know each other...at all. When it was all awkward. All of it. When we cried over everything. Thanks Nicole for laughing at me that one time I BROKE DOWN ON THE PHONE WITH MY MOM. Very sensitive. hahaha, jk, I don't care anymore.

I know, I spend my time in the past, and in the future. The present only serves to benefit that future. Therefore the present doesn't thoroughly exist. I know. Okay? I know.

The week.
Sunday= packing, finally.
Monday= moving, finally.
Tuesday= meeting.
Wednesday= last day of summer school.
Thursday= going back up to the city.
Friday-Sunday= good old revolution.
And HELLO to EMMA on Sunday...maybe I'll go back home on Wednesday. I dont know..kinda weird.

No doubt I'll be thinkin a lot. I should carry a notepad in my backpocket.

p.s. if it was about me, just give up on me already. told ya, clinically depressed. it's incurable. get on with your life, Lord knows you have one.

hey, INTERESTING FACT. We're getting our apartment blessed. heh, just thought I'd say.