the will to carry on?

I guess this is my release. I suppose I don't know as much as I thought I did. I guess I don't know people better than I know myself. I don't know myself. Life sucks. Life kills. But life is life, and what's a life worth living without passion...

Am I just really emotional...break down everywhere, I guess. I never shed so many tears in my life. And I sure didn't think it would ever be for this reason...

I don't know...because...I doubt myself. I doubt others. Peers or authority...doubt you. I doubt you. Why should other validate your existence. Why should they...why do I care...why do I try....So confused. I want to crawl up and take a long break. No more of this shit. Fuck this shit. Fuck it. No seriously...I hate it now. Because it makes me hate myself. Why do I always feel like a bad person when I'm around them...and why is it never good enough. There ain't no winning, and if this is all just a "sike" then FUCK IT. Don't hurt me like that and drop me like that....UGH. I hope no one reads this, like I think they don't.

I'm going to sleep because when I stay up to think I don't make it to class. Time to get my life in order. That's the 10 millionth time I've said that. When will it start to be true...