pressure

I've been blogging all over the place, because I didn't want to taint this blog with opinions and observations that were negative or anything, because the last blog was so perfect. But life goes on.

Everything seems to be due at the same time. They're all running into each other, there's no time for anything anymore...I don't know what to do with myself. I'm such a slacker. I'll probably fail half my classes, or at least one...and then what? Trouble with parents. I hate failure. What's wrong with me anyway? There's no motivation in my academic life. And then there's the ETAs...I hate to fail there too. And it seems all of my motivation lies there with them. But sometimes negativity fogs my eyes, and I get skeptical. Sorry for that. It's no one's fault but my own for letting myself get like that. And I get like that often. I always feel like giving up because that's what I'm used to. I can't remember the last time I pushed myself to the fullest extent. I think about it....damn. All of this keeps me up at night. Which is why I'm so sleepy.

The bags under my eyes are fucking heavy. I'm tired of carrying them.

But yesterday I slept forever and was still sleepy. What does that mean? I need a milkshake or something. Something that makes me happy.

Things I have to do:
--Get happy, I'm a mopey motherfucker.
-----maybe going home will do the trick, and having some of my mom's cooking, and talking to my family...
-----getting some sleep will work.
--Bowl-a-thon tomorrow.
--Memorial tomorrow.
--Workshop Tuesday.
--Volunteering Wednesday. Meeting.
--Thursday...STUDY FOR MY MIDTERM FOR HUMAN SEX.

I'm a mopey motherfucker. I think I kind of hate myself and the decisions I've made right now. But then again, this feelings come and go all the time. I'm a fuckin baby.