keeping me alive.

I think I need some sleep. Big time. Just to keep me happy, civil, cooperative, enthusiastic...just so I don't get to be a big cranky ass. Okay? Like for real...I am really mean when I'm sleepy. Sorry bout it...

This weekend was tight. Roadtrips are always cool. Red bulls, Monsters, Sobe Adrenaline Rush...oh man, we're sick muthafuckas. Naw mean? But yeah, tight. Cool bonding stuff. Just actin all sorts of silly. Bumpin our heads all over the place. Lots of memories. Lots of spilling of guts. Lots of realizations. You know...it's like whenever we have one of these Kappa weekends, I just get hit hard. Not only do I, but I know my sisters do too. Because we stay up and talk about it for hours and we'll sit here and cry like babies and shit...for no reason...but yeah, it's crazy. I never thought that anything would ever make me do these things that I am doing. I always thought that college would get me, and trap me into who I'm really going to be, but then I never thought that I'd ever be in Kappa...I pictured myself all sorts of troubled. But not now...how did it happen...I so could have never experienced this...it would have been such a waste. But it's not. You know...Life just surprises you sometimes.

Now this week...fuckin' stress me out. GAH. There's just all sorts of shit to do. Everything to do. How that's going to be done...fuck if I know...I want to fuckin' like...shoot myself in the foot or something. Whatever.

I am so lacking sleep. FOCK. I am such a baby. You know...I'm kind of losing sight of everything, I think. I feel it slipping, and I want to say "fuck it" again like I always do...but I don't want that to be the only thing I ever do in my life. I don't want to look back and see nothing. You know? Deep.

Deep. The weekend was deep.