something happens and i'm head over heels

lalallalalalalalala

So bored. But I've been catching up on my soap operas hah. And I've been spending lots of time on this thing. Tonight is the AFTER XMAS DINNER with my high school buds, so I'm excited about that. I miss them. Well...nostalgia again. Like...remember Tardy Club, Lycky? Remember modeling...remember rehearsing for graduation? Remember shopping for prom dresses? Remember the petition....Remember just hanging out at break and lunch, standing around, talking and just being weird. Lycky's weird Fridays. Going away parties. Birthday parties. Grad parties. Parties parties parties...and I didn't know how to drink. BIRTHDAYS. My 17th birthday....thanks guys, I loved that. Uhm....and now....what? I'm sorry that we're not as close as we used to be...I'm sorry that I feel like we're so far...I'm sorry that I feel like I have to say sorry. And I want to be friends forever, and I want to send you guys invitations to things like...weddings, or parties, or babies. Man, I want to know you guys, like really know you, and not just be names on a list that I make every year for cards to send out. No. I hate things to end up that way. I don't know why I think all this will end up this way.

And friends now. I'm paranoid. Because every friend that I'd ever had or made and thought we'd be friends for long, we just lost touch and I hope that never happens. With the roommates, or the guys, or newfound friends. I'm just thinking about the people. I'm thinking of everyone and everything.

Family. Will always be there. And if it falls apart, I'll be the first to leave, but I'm here. And I think as long as I'm here, nothing will fall away. You know what I mean? I'll come get you. And I'll help you. And things will be like they are. Just grow up, and you'll all see.

I am in such a weird rut. It's a weird one. I don't know. Maybe....I'm just this bored that I make myself think about all this shit.

Are we all headed for destruction? Or is that only because we're self-destructive? Or just because I am? QUESTION MARK.