That which makes me helpless.

All this reading and worrying is killing me. Mos def. There has to be a way to chill out...but I don't know. I mean...yeah. So I smoked a cigarette, thinking it would help calm me down, but it only made me stress more because now I smell like smoke. That's gross. Note to self: Cigarettes do not relieve stress.

Well, I have been reading hundreds of pages the past three days now, and WHEN WILL IT END. Tomorrow I have to write my English draft, and hopefully I will. I'm planning on attending ALL classes this week, so I'm cutting it close to the edge. Sucks. So tomorrow, after Philosophy class I'm going to come back and write my paper, reading in between, because I'm not the sort of machine that can write for hours at a time. So I'll be writing and reading until night class, hopefully I'll finish both, even if they're not done correctly, at least they will be done. Then after night class, if I'm not done with the reading, I shall read. If I am, then I will do the extra credit questions. OH YEAH NOTE TO SELF: BUY A SCANTRON. Eeesh. Almost forgot. I guess I'll do that tomorrow, otherwise I'll forget. So Thursday will be focused on reading the book for Sociology and then writing the 2-page review. GAH.

No more procrastinating. This is too depressing. WAY DEPRESSING. I've been in the apartment for two days, except to watch Ehco play, to eat, go to class, and to go to the vending machines. Little breaks turn out to be 3-hour naps. Can't help that. I'm no use if I'm tired. Really. I have the biggest headache right now. I ate too much and had a bad cigarette. This isn't the best week ever. Plus the fact that it sprinkles on me every now and then. But that's luck...my luck.

I was reading ten minutes ago and I thought...is this real? Is this a dream that I'm stuck in? It must be, because I can't remember when all this happened. Who are these people, and I live here? Where is here? What am I doing? My best friends here are really Bryan and Narciso? Are you kidding me? I never would have guessed. Not in a million years. Or that I'm typing on a laptop that belongs to me right now. I feel like I haven't looked around yet to realize that this is all life now. Yeah, I'm weird. But this scares me. And I smell like smoke. But I told you that already. When did I start to smoke by myself...or even broadcast that... I don't care if you know unless you're my family... One thing's for sure though, I've been staring at words for 72 hours now and I just want to get past this week. I want it to be...what do I want it to be? Sunday, I think. Because everything else...way too much for me. After Thursday I'll be cool, but Sunday means another week. And another week means another chance.

Good friggin Gosh. I can't shake this smell. And this headache is killing me. And WORDS. How I am tired of reading. This is one depressing week so far...someone save me from all this.