Tell me what its like to be alone

Felt weird today. It must be associated with the monthly emotional rollercoaster that comes to town. GREAT. So yeah. Kills me man. Literally. So it made me feel kind of down, which is normal. It always plays with my head. I hate that.

I just finished speaking with Dylan, my friend from Andover. I miss that. Man. I miss being 16, thousands of miles away from home, and completely alone. I miss that. And I miss the people. Its so weird asking them what COLLEGE they go to because... COLLEGE? In my head, I wonder where time went, and wasn't yesterday the end of the Andover Summer Session? But apparently two years had passed and somehow we're adults. Somehow we are figuring out the rest of our lives. What's that? What is it? Someone told me that its life... it should feel good to know this, right. But why does it feel like shit? So we were talking about our adventures, and being weird, bored kids in east cost suburbia. Fun stuff. And we had fun not being self-conscious, and being completely weird.

Things...they always stick out in my mind. Like playing poker. Playing "I'm Too Sexy" and walking down the catwalk. Sneaking into closed buildings. Sneaking through people's lawns. Not studying during study hours! Hah. So much fun. And we didn't have to get drunk, and we didn't need to inhale smoke...and it was like...the most perfect summer. If you take away the schoolwork...but if you keep those times we did homework together in the lab. Or if you take away the jerks, but you keep the times the jerks got in trouble. Or our crazy "ethical" conversations. Eating at the Commons. Going to colleges. I think Summer '02 was the best summer of my whole childhood/adolescence...and if you think I'm a loser for that, fuck you. I'm really hostile right now. So fuck you if you think that's stupid.

I am NOSTALGIC. I think seeing my friends this weekend helped to add to this. I was over it, and now...man, I wish we could go back to the days that we just drove around for the hell of it and stopped some place to get some of those dumb pearl drinks, for the hell of it. I miss doing things for the hell of it.

FUCKING A. I CAN'T WAIT FOR THREE DAYS FROM NOW.