Oh, I love to get yelled at. Yell s'more!

Just when I start to get along with dad, something comes up and suddenly everything is wrong and its all my fault, or at least that's how it feels.

So let's just start at the beginning of this weird day. Woke up at 10:30, even though I set my alarm for 9. It was a good dream is all I can say. And you know what. Its my priority registration day for classes, so I jumped out of bed and got my ass in front of the computer, but you know what...no test scores=no registration. So of course my dad calls, because he always does, and he grills me. "Well, why didn't you get the scores yet?...You have to call blah blah blah...and you have to call blah blah blah...you better do it, Vanessa." I managed to keep my cool. Now to you, you might not get it. So what if he asks me a few questions, tells me to do a few things? Okay, sure. Fine, but he tells me, commands me, demands it of me, and if I don't, I'm the biggest failure in his eyes. He's a control freak. Better to have it done by himself in his opinion because he has 0 faith in me. I'd like to just cut off all ties with him right now if I could. Anyway, I fix all my problems and I find out I can't register until July 24th because I don't have my scores. Dad called again. He told me to call more places, check again. But then Mary calls and I go out with them for an hour.

I came back at two, did stuff. At three, I called where I was supposed to. Checked again. Still nothing. No progression. So I left it alone thinking I'm fine, I'll just do it on July 24th.

From 5-7, I did chores and stuff and watched S.W.A.T. because I rented it. At 7, I went with my parents to pick up the car from the shop and drop mine off as well. I don't have a car, folks. So yeah. Then we went to Target, got home at 8. I watched the rest of S.W.A.T.. When I was done, I worked on some Thank You cards, then I came in front of the computer.

This is where dad blows up.

I signed on, and he offered to pay my housing hold online, since I owe money because I'm going to be going to the apartments instead of the residence halls. So we paid it. Checked if it was cleared up, oh, guess not. So he said, "Why don't you check your test scores?" But more like a command, so I did. And I was like "it's not going to be there." But it was. So then he said, "There, now you can register." So I tried to register, while he's sitting behind me. Well, the hold wasn't cleared so I can't register. Then he starts going off on me. Like its all my fault. I should've checked it earlier. I shouldn't've signed up for apartments. I should've done this and done that. So now I'm here. And he just left and walked out.

What is his problem? If I miss it today, its not my last chance. I can wake up tomorrow and do it. But no, I'm a fuck up. Its my fault. Just like everything is my fault.

I'd just like to thank my wonderful father. If anyone can make me feel like a failure or a loser the most in the world, and so worthless might I add, its him. Thank you dad, I love you but I hate you.