Bad moods.

I've been a pretty rotten mood this past week, and today started off well, my mom came in and woke me up, I said "Happy birthday."  And then when we were eating lunch, she just out of nowhere says "If I were you, Vanessa, I'd be a nurse." 
 
Oh shit, I thought, here it comes...
 
"If you were a nurse, you could graduate and find a job anywhere.  Its good and stable."
 
And even when we weren't talking about anything related to careers, she went on...
 
"You could be a nurse, and then when you get enough money, study to become what you want."
 
Good Lord.
 
Then when she left to get food, my dad said to me, "Just do what you want and be good at it.  Its your life."
 
Good one.  Great comment, but we all know that's a bullshit answer.  That's a bullshit excuse for a bullshit subject.  This is not my life, this is your life.  Mine for yours.  And I guess that's fine.  But when I came into this, I didn't know that.  You know, I thought I would get to choose what I do just like in the movies, or at least have the freedom to be lost.  But I guess not, its not part of the deal, is it?  Fine.  Whatever.  I want to excise myself from your lives.  And I want you to be happy without me, because if my misery is your happiness, then I won't let you really have it.  Empty victory. 
 
See I thought, since I felt like such a loser and a pushover during my childhood and adolescence, I could do something else in my adulthood.  But if I become a nurse, I'll just be a pushover with money and a loser in my heart.  And if I don't, I'd be a loser in your eyes and a poor, happy person to me.  Whatever, man.  I guess its in your hands.  Because it sure as hell isn't in mine.