What have you got deep inside that head of yours?

I don't know why I feel sad. Maybe its because my sister's room is so cluttered with pictures and they make me kind of sad because I'll be leaving and I'm going to start a life apart from my family. Maybe its that, or maybe its because I'm just like this when the monthly wagon comes. Either way, I'm just kind of sad.

So today, I didn't wake up before noon, I didn't go to the library, and I didn't throw around a frisbee at the park. Though I wish I could have done the last one. Man, I'm so lazy. Too lazy to return calls or finish things I said I would finish, to clean, or anything. Its killing me. Maybe I should take something up. But, then again, I like just waking up and watching my show, eating a bowl of Kix cereal, and then sticking around in my pajamas.

Well, at nights I can't sleep. Last night, I swear I tried to sleep at two, but I couldn't sleep until five. There are all these things swimming in my head. I hate uncertainty. I'd rather be absolutely certain of things, then I wouldn't lose sleep. But fuckin A. Things don't work out that way. So at night I ponder, rolling over and staring at the ceiling, and it consumes me. I wish I had pills or something, but I believe I would quickly develop a dependency because I'm just asking for it.

I wish I could trick myself into believing things, and creating a certainty which is uncertain in itself, but I'm fuckin smarter than that. What a drawback.