Listen to what i'm saying to you....

I want to talk about it. Its not about him.

So last night I was sleeping, or trying to, and I kept thinking. White, ivory, or light blue? Bed linens. This anxiety is getting really bad. And before I went to bed I was looking up the course selection for next year. Freaked me out real bad. What the hell am I going to do? Man. And you know what's funny is that I try to talk to my mom and ask her what to do, but I know what she wants me to be. Its hard. Because who can you really talk to when everyone has their own adamant ideas about who you are going to be? So I'm posting it on the blog. Because I don't know what else to do, and at least I might get some comments. But then again, it could be just like writing to myself, which is a little comforting as well.

I don't know about next year. What if I get a roommate who's insane and kills me in my sleep?

Man I keep trying to picture myself grown up. Just so I can see who I am. But I don't see anything. Can you see who you are? Am I the only one? I hope I make it that far.

I hate trying to talk to my mom. She never listens. She always has the same thing to say. And I hate it. Tonight I will be up all night I bet. And I'll have to wake up at 6 tomorrow. GREAT. In a way I wish things were easier than this, and I wish I didn't care so much. Man, my parents must've raised me real good. Because I care too much, more than I should.

Fuck FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK fuck FUCK FUCK FUCK fuck fuck fuck fFUKCK

yES, LIKE A WHOLE LINE OF EXPLETIVES WILL HELP ME.

I keep remembering a day two summers ago. In a place I don't really remember, with people I didn't really know, and its sunny and beautiful and isolated. I wish I were there.

Admit

I have been stewing for the past two hours.

I am terrified of August 18, 2004.

What have you got deep inside that head of yours?

I don't know why I feel sad. Maybe its because my sister's room is so cluttered with pictures and they make me kind of sad because I'll be leaving and I'm going to start a life apart from my family. Maybe its that, or maybe its because I'm just like this when the monthly wagon comes. Either way, I'm just kind of sad.

So today, I didn't wake up before noon, I didn't go to the library, and I didn't throw around a frisbee at the park. Though I wish I could have done the last one. Man, I'm so lazy. Too lazy to return calls or finish things I said I would finish, to clean, or anything. Its killing me. Maybe I should take something up. But, then again, I like just waking up and watching my show, eating a bowl of Kix cereal, and then sticking around in my pajamas.

Well, at nights I can't sleep. Last night, I swear I tried to sleep at two, but I couldn't sleep until five. There are all these things swimming in my head. I hate uncertainty. I'd rather be absolutely certain of things, then I wouldn't lose sleep. But fuckin A. Things don't work out that way. So at night I ponder, rolling over and staring at the ceiling, and it consumes me. I wish I had pills or something, but I believe I would quickly develop a dependency because I'm just asking for it.

I wish I could trick myself into believing things, and creating a certainty which is uncertain in itself, but I'm fuckin smarter than that. What a drawback.

I refuse to use the word

Bored.

Today I decided to test myself. Like I said yesterday, I wanted to wake up before noon. Thus, last night I didn't turn my alarm on, instead I wanted to see what time I would wake up. You think I woke up before noon? Nope. I woke up at 2 to my cell phone ringing, my mother on the other line. For a second I thought it was only 8, but my mom was like "Its almost three and you're not awake!" So I woke up, went down stairs, ate a bowl of Kix and watched my soap opera. Yeah, it sounds pitiful when you read about it, but when you're actually living it, it's pretty exciting. So after that, I got the munchies again, so I ate some watermelon and grapes to discourage myself from eating chips or something. Nonetheless I ate chips. haha. Anyway, sometime in between some guy calls my cell phone and goes "Hi, honey!" To which I laughed and said he had the wrong number. Anyway, that was the funniest thing that happened to me today.

At nine I went to Alex's house to watch Dirty Pretty Things just because we both have a jonesin' for flicks with the Amelie chick in them. Yeah I know her name is Audrey Tautau or however you spell it. So anyway, through half of the movie we were struggling to understand what the characters were saying until he put the caption on. Thank God for captions. The movie was one of those where you don't really get it through 3/4 of it and by the end you're like "Ohhh..." So yeah. I can't make up my mind. I guess it was alright.

So I came home. Watched some Bug Juice with my sister. Tried to fix the other computer. I think I took care of it. Now I'm here. I don't know what the plan for tomorrow is. Maybe I'll go throw around a frisbee at the park.

Late-Night

Well first, Birthday shoutout to Khai. And belated one to Mary! Sorry, I forgot.

So today, I woke up, got ready and went to Khai's with Loan. We first stuffed tissues as substitutes for tissue paper in his bag for his present. Heh. Loan and I are creative like that. So yeah, as soon as we got there, we saw Khai and his girlfriend and Brian walking on the street, so....yeah. We got out of the car and then he blew out of his cake. It took Mary's lagging ass hella long to come (JK Mary, but it actually did). So in the meantime, we went to Blockbuster. Oh man, I can't go there anymore. I should have thought that shit out. My dad's name is not Sunil. Hahaha. It makes me kinda nervous. I guess I'll just go to Hollywood Video even though Blockbuster has more movies. EH. Anyway, then Crystal came and alleviated the title of Filipino kid from me. So then we were both The Filipino kids. Haha, we ate a whole lot because Khai's mom is really nice and cooked good food. =)

So when Mary's lagging ass got there finally with Holly after how many calls for directions, we all ate and went to Brigadoon. It was my first time there, but I only slid like twice. I think my ass is so fat that I never slide the whole way through. I always stopped short of the end. Darn ass. But yeah. It was fun. Khai, Brian, and Crystal did some crazy athletic stuff while the others and I just kinda played or sat on the playground. They are crazy daredevils man, I'm telling you. Anyway, it was a good night. Pretty good day, but I slept through half of it. I kept waking up to my alarm which is an annoying recording of me singing. It wakes me up though.

So tomorrow the plan is to wake up before noon. Maybe I'll get around to picking up my diploma, but I really just want to wake up before noon because it makes the day longer. I don't know what to do. I have too much time on my hands and not enough money. I can stuff myself silly with the food we have, but then I'll already be fat.

AHHHH I guess I'll try the damn library again and come back with a book this time. Or I can spend the day trying to make those mixes and start delivering them on Tuesday. I do have a full tank.

Pick the music.

Bands I have been listening to lately:
--Sleater-Kinney
--Keane
--The New Pornographers
--Dropline? Kind of, not yet.

Yeah. Lately I've been taking refuge in books, movies, and music. As a true introvert should. At night, I'd write in my journal. Again, as a true introvert should. The solitude, I've found is relaxing, and if this were sometime a few months ago, I would have scorned it. But now, on the verge of moving out and actually having to clean my own bathroom, well, the solitude is welcome. I'm not used to sharing a room. I'm not used to watching TV with other people. I'm always doing something alone. Like running errands for my mom or whatever. So there you go. I'm enjoying it. It feels right.

total eclipse of the heart?

So I watched The Notebook today with my sister, my cousin, and my mom. It was chick flick chick's day out. Well, it was lovely. And maybe I overuse that word, but it truly was lovely. Though perhaps sappy at best, and predictable at worst, it did leave a warm feeling inside of me. Okay, fine. I know what you're thinking. I'm soft, and you can't believe I like those kinds of movies. I'm a sucker for those chick flicks, ladies and gentlemen. It has to come out sooner or later. However, they do leave me kind of sad at night. Hahaha. Okay that made me laugh.

But yeah. Wow, you know those movies that make you want more? But you don't want to wear it out and get sick of it, so you leave it there, and only take it out as a reward? That's how I feel.

I hate:
--finishing a great book.
--ending a lovely film.
--going to sleep after good days.
--waking up to a bad start.
--feeling stupid.

I think I'm a pleasure-driven person. And this film did bring me pleasure. Though I know that those things really wouldn't happen to people like me and you and only in movies, but that's the magic of Hollywood I guess. Makes you feel. And if that makes you feel messy, you can always wear a poncho over your heart and make sure it doesn't get wet.

Lalala. Today was a lovely day.

GASP!!!!!!@!

TURNS OUT I'M AN UNDECLARED MAJOR AT SFSU! WTF, this whole time I thought I was a Psych major.

Fuck I'm so neglectful I went through months thinking that.

I need to get my act together.

As of now, I have no idea what to do with my life.

hope you me don't fear you me hope

Today I woke up at around noon because my mom is home. So I ate lunch and for about an hour I sat in my room and listened to Sleater-Kinney's "One Beat" Album. Okay, newfound love is Sleater-Kinney. I find myself fantasizing about rocking out wearing very scantily clad clothing, but nonetheless rocking out. Please don't picture that. But anyway, that was fun, and I wrote a little in my journal. After that my mom went to Ross at McCarthy Ranch. I don't really like that store, but my sister and I went to the back to look for stuff I can use for my apartment next year. Found nothing. Cool bathroom art, though. Then again, I could paint a toilet by myself. Anyway, my sister and I went to Best Buy.

See the thing about Best Buy is that unlike Fry's they have good CDs there. Alright? Let's get that straight. Its next to Borders, which sells music at ridiculously steep prices, and yet it has more music. I found some Indie bands and Emo bands that I know. My Chemical Romance, Bright Eyes! So ladies and gentlemen, when you don't feel like stealing songs off the internet, go to Best Buy for the good stuff. My sister bought Sixteen Candles on DVD. Gosh, Jake Ryan is a hot man. And I bought Keane "Hopes and Fears." You know, the piano band.

This is my quiet summer. I think summer is the season I like to relax and so I don't break out as much (yay), and I'm glad that it exists. Except last summer when I had to babysit for my uncle. Let's not get into that. I finally learned to understand that situation and try to sympathize. Gosh my family is messed up. Maybe if I have my own kids I'll move to Australia to get them away from these crazy people.

I'm going to go to my room and sing badly now, bye people.

Phase Out.

Well, I did go to the library as I said I would. And I faxed some papers, and I called SFSU. Taking care of business. Gotta do that before you can have fun, you know. That's just the way things happen. So anyway, I just watched Say Anything. Gosh, I really love that boom box scene and the Peter Gabriel song "In Your Eyes." I heard a cover of it yesterday...or two days ago. Lovelyness. I was sleepy very early on in the evening, but I drank some coke and now that sleepiness is gone. Magic of caffeine. Not magic, but chemical function.

I didn't borrow any books though. We also went to Borders, and I was so hungry I couldn't really focus. Usually I'd be prancing around, looking at the books and then checking out the music...like a neurotic introvert. But I hadn't eaten the whole day save one meal and that was In & Out and it was delightful.

DUUUUUUDE. I can't wait till The friggin Notebook comes out so I can watch it. I'm completely amazed by how much I enjoyed that book. Usually I gravitate toward the more depressing novels about drugs and stuff or death, but I don't know what's going on. Anyway, it was a lovely novel and I can't wait for the damn movie so I can compare the two. I like doing that.

So I've got this goal over the summer. I want to write. A few years back I used to write everynight, a weird book I was trying to write. Anyway, that's long forgotten and its out of my mind, but how about something else. I don't know what to write about though. I never know. I wish I did. I remember always telling Greela that I'd let her see some chapters...hahaha....I couldn't even get them out. Plus I'm so protective over my writing, I'd quicker burn them along with my left hand than show them to be critiqued. I'm terrified of that.

Ah, sorry. I bored you. Hopefully my days will get more exciting. That, I highly doubt. But we'll still try.

i scream for ice cream

I'm craving the ice cream. I don't know what that's all about. I must be boarding the train to that place...the once-a-month place I have to visit. Hate that place.

Oh, so we're going to change the subject now. So last night I finished The Notebook, which my sister really loves and we're going to go watch it this weekend. Its very nice. You know. Very idyllic. Gosh I wish my life were that exciting, but alas, nope.

I think this summer, I'll be reading a lot. I haven't done that in a while. When we were younger, my dad used to take my sister and I to the library every other week to check out books because he wanted us to be literate or something. So I'd always go to the Classics section and take my pick of Jane Austen or Fitzgerald or Hemingway novels. I got more contemporary since then. Oh, and then I wanted to be a writer. Yeah, right. Kiddie dreams, man. Kiddie dreams. So I think I'll hit the library tomorrow and take care of those fiines, wait for my sister there while boosting my literacy. She's going to be hanging with her friends. Whatever. I hope that doesn't entail the things I do with my friends. Haha.

I'm hungry. I hope I don't gain that freshman 15. Or that freshman 50 or anything. Whatever. Maybe I should try to go work out or something....that's really funny. I like to make myself laugh like that all the time. Alright, so its done. Bye everyone.

i hate lizzie mcguire

Why do I have bruises? Okay, not bruises, but my arm hurts. Don't know why, its a bit curious.

So, friends, how's summer? It seems to be the question to ask. Last night I slept very late because I was reading A Walk To Remember, which kind of makes me feel embarrassed, but I'm being honest as well. I slept at 5:30 A.M. and now my dad has enforced a bedtime. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, a bedtime. Those things that parents give to little kids. I don't mind much though, because I've been meaning to sleep earlier and stop waking up in the afternoon. It feels like a complete waste of my life, and I'm too young to be wasting my life. Aren't we all, though.

I'm very excited about my living arrangements in college. Well, as excited as I can be without knowing who my roommates will be. I'll be living in an apartment on-campus, that' actually meant for college sophomores. But hey, too bad. Yay. You know what that means?! I don't have to share a bathroom with more than 4 people! And I get a kitchen! Which I probably won't use. I'm glad now that my mom taught me how to clean the bathroom, because I'd honestly be so grossed out if it was never cleaned. I'd gag everyday. I'm elated. I'll have a friggin' cardiac arrest once I step into the apartment. I just won't believe it. However, I do wish that I could room with my friends, because that would be awesome. If only we could. There's always sophomore year though. Anyway, I'm having sort of nightmares about my roommates. Imagine rooming in one room with a stranger, but now rooming in an apartment? With three strangers? I hope they're cool. Or else, I'll be miserable for eight months.

The to-do list:
--Claim award.
--Pick up my diploma (haha).
--Find a place of employment.
--Get the Yeah Yeah Yeahs now that I have money.
--Go to some concerts?
--No, save for college.

Yay! Visit me in my apartment in August! That's the highlight of the summer so far. It may be the only one, but hey, it's pretty damn good.

New

Its strange how June 18th and June 19th just kind of blurred into one sort of huge, superday. Very long. Very dragging. Very interesting. So yeah, when I last wrote, it was like three hours after midnight and I was, what, a bit irritated? I don't know why. Lack of sleep? Probably. Blame it on that one. Then, let me try to describe my June 18th for you. My birthday. Well, everyone thinks my birthday is on the 19th, which is only because that's when the party was at. But yeah. So yeah. Uhh, 18th, guys. Its okay. I don't know yours either. So yeah. WAIT WAIT WAIT. BIRThDay Shout to Josh W. my birthday sharer. But yeah. And yeah. On the 18th, I let my cousins wash my car and they basically just cleaned up the house for the party. We sang karaoke, went out, bought a few things, sang karaoke, came home, made some mixes. That's June 18th. I had to try to sleep early because of the placement tests I took this morning. Or yesterday morning. June 19th. They were bitches. Man. Math and English. I better have passed that shit. I got, like, four hours of sleep and was stressing out because the tests were friggin four hours long. Anyway, after Noemi and I gave up on the math section, we kinda just walked downtown. Turned out to be some festival going on, but I was impoverished, but we were both hungry. Uhh...dad picked us up, picked up the pig, went home, got ready. Guests started pouring in. Thanks to all who came. It meant a lot, even though I was very low energy and you had to babysit the baby. Yeah, it was kinda boring, sorry. So anyway, went out, had an interesting time doing all that teen stuff I seemed to have missed out on.

Now I'm here.

And I'm pondering. I'm 18? You know I went to go buy lotto today for everyone and their mom, and I just felt so lost. Dude, adulthood is like this whole new candystore that is very selective and unlimited. So here I am, and I'm thinking about August coming up. I'm scared. It scares me a whole lot more than it did before. And I'm thinking about the person I am, and who I used to be, and who I want to be, and it all becomes this issue about who I'm not. It's horrible. When did I begin to do all this stuff? When did I stop being humble? When did my voice get as loud as it is? And when did I stop being so sad all the time? It seems like looking back at someone else's life, and all you can do is envy them. Now that I'm out of the protective shell of childhood and adolescence, I feel this ominous presence, which is just the world. I feel like I can fuck up at any moment and something can happen. You know? Life starts now, and if you fuck it up already, you're not going to last long in the game. Yeah, I'm thinking about who I want to be, and this isn't it. Just to feel cool, doesn't make me feel good. You know, maybe I'll try some new things and we'll see. We'll see what happens.

It is now Father's Day 2004. Happy Father's day, dads.

Hot Beats.

Good morning. Well. I am 18 today. How did I ring in the new year? A drag of a cigarette, and lots of karaoke. Karaoke has been my hobby lately since my parents got a Magic Mic. If you don't know what it is, its this karaoke system with an assload of songs and it scores you. So yeah. But yes. So tomorrow, partytime. But it pains me to know that I'll have a drawer-full of GOODBYE MIXES I made for people who can't make it. Seriously makes me kind of sad because I'll be stranded here with my parents' friends, an astrojump with little kids in it, and I'll have to be polite with no outlet. GRRRRRRREat. But yeah, enough about that. So far 18 doesn't seem so different or better than 17. I'm patiently waiting.

My mom is angry with me. I don't really know why this time, because I'm not mad at her. WHAT THE FUCK. Way to make me feel really happy for my 18th, family. Way to go. So yesterday all angry and sad, I went off and bought coffee and sat in my car and wrote. I wrote. And then I bought a CD to listen to. Modest Mouse. Pretty good, pretty different. But yeah. So I think that's it.

Today we ate at Elephant Bar to send Maureen off. Man, Have a nice trip, amiga. We'll be missing you stateside. BN night. Man gotta love those. And late night/early morning carousing and talking and freaking me the hell out.

Gosh, I'd be content if summer ended right here. Because its been really great so far. Better to end well than to burn out right. Anyway, I'm sleepy. So I'll call this the end of the entry. If you're reading this, check out below and see if I shouted you out.

So far this birthday sucks.

I know this is belated.

Well, you know it already. Wednesday, we graduated. And I'm a little sad, a little relieved, but a lot amazed. I can't believe it. Looking around and thinking about my teachers, I think about how I kind of brushed them off like I'd see them tomorrow. But my tomorrow won't include them necessarily. In fact, my tomorrow won't include a lot of people, as sad as it is to say. This is what makes me crazy. The last three nights and stuff have been filled with good memories. I love it. Every second. Even the gross stuff. And I'd like to thank the people who made the moments with me, because I'm amazed. I'm completely amazed. I won't divulge the details of these nights because I'd like to keep these things in my head. Do I have to tell you how I spent graduation night staring at the sky with friends and people that I hardly know, but felt so connected somehow? Well, there's a few details already I guess. But man, I'm going to miss some things. I'm kind of talking like it'll never happen again, but I know that I'll probably be stuck here because of lack of effort on my part and that of others, so it probably won't ever happen again. I'll put my trust in time though, maybe it will be good to us.

I remember PRJ making this list last year and I've been sort of counting down the days till I could make my own and making tiny mental notes. Here goes:

Alex B: Love you man. You helped make high school enjoyable and I'll never forget the kind of moments that we had. And the jokes we made even though some of them were mean.
Lycky C: Do I really have to say anything about you? I mean, dude. Rock the TARDY CLUB titles. And I hope to continue to know you.
Maureen A: Of all people, I think I could relate to you the most. I'm glad I got to know you because now its hard to picture school without you.
Miguel P: Thanks for everything, man. I appreciate it. See you.
Jackie P: Man it just occurred to me that I don't know if you read this, but hey if you happen to stumble upon this, then you can know that I want to thank you for those good times, esp. junior year and June 10, 2004. Haha.
Noemi T: Eck and Reese cause chaos in the chats baby! Freshman year to Senior year, plus a little bit of separation, but its all cool. I'll be seeing you anyway. Good times, good times.
Ellen Mae: I have mad respect for you. You're a great person who I picture succeeding. After-graduation, I'm glad we were all there.
Sara E: We go way back. Like back when I was all in my skinny middle-school-basketball-player glory. Or not so much. One cannot forget Ms. Sara E.
Lil D: Again, if you read this ever, Harvey and Pigster rock the hizzouse.
Christian S: Man you're crazy and I hope you never lose what you got because it would be a great disservice to mankind. And it makes you you. Love that.
Veeh: My friend, Vanessa. Hey. Good talks in Spanish and sleeping in class haha. Good luck.
Greela: The Hindu Bunch pretty much made sophopmore year what it was. Who can forget all our misadventures. Man, and the rap. We rocked.
Julie T: Again, of the HB. I'll miss you and meeting at your house and making bad food, yeah, I remember that.
Elizabeth L: Yay-uh. HB again. Remember our truth or dare game at your house?...and "The Lion?"
Jennifer I: I don't know if anyone reads my blog, but if you do...HB. We rocked.
Winnes: I'll always remember Winnes before she got too cool to get married to the Hindue Bunch. haha, just kidding. If you read my blog, good luck in life.
Joshua C: My very first punk rock friend from all the way back freshman year. I believe it was Weezer first, everything else later.
Huan L: My one-and-only Andover buddy. Only you know how it feels along with me to lose that and have it. I guess its like high school huh. Leaving something like that...
Tyrone P: Really got to know you during sophomore year, and thanks for all that.
Christina T: Fred and Bob: Superheroes, fighting crime for the greater good. I'll miss all the good times and all the good pranks. And I know what you're wearing under your clothes hahaha.
Loan H: My friend the valedictorian! Hey! Our chem group and all the fun we had like skipping out during class and coming back like we went to the bathroom, and all the pranks we pulled on each other. PIE IN FACE.
Mary D: Yearbook in seventh grade to now. Man, I've known you for so long. Well, Chem AP was hilarious and fun and you and me and Khai have to go crabbin still.
Khai: Man, I remember just last year we were watching other people graduating and now we have just graduated ourselves. Can't even believe it. I'll see you in the summer.
Mary N: Laneview leopard! Hey what up! So Mateer, Warren, and Elwell. Man, I'll miss walking with you and all our good times. Hey, I didn't get to see you at graduation for a picture! =(
Hanh N: Why hello there, my little friend. Well, FBI camp this summer, alright. I'll be looking out for you and...
Kyle C: Magna Carta and Caesar group + FBI Camp. It sucks I didn't get to know you earlier. But yeah, good times. Good eats. We still need to go out and do something with the group...
Nishi S: Hey buddy! I loved going to pool halls with you, even if it was just on the internet. Haha...good times man.
Lawrence G: You're friggin HILARIOUS. Man, MC group rocks the casbah baby.
Linda T: You crazy corset-stealer. Good times with the MC crew.
Patrick T: I can call you the sane one of the MC crew. Man, I know you're gonna make it in life.
Miguel M: How about that mistaken booty call?
Nanu D: MC group rocked. To my fellow newscaster.
Roger L: Woot woot! Rocking out on stage during Ren Faire, guitar daily, and concert craziness. See you in the city.
My concert protectors: Too many of you to name, but thanks a lot. You guys saved me from a lot of physical pain.
Ana F: Hey Prima. Don't know if you read this, but I had to shout you out. Hope you ENJOYED. Well, I guess I'll be seeing you...I mean, its not like we're related or anything...
Mickey N: Man, we black. It was fun having English with you so many times. And our stupid ass teachers...man.
To everyone else: Sorry if I didn't mention you. But I'm glad I have known you, and some of you really did make high school fun or what it was, so just know that you're in my head.

And that's that. Good times, everyone. Good times. I don't know what the future is giong to bring, or if time will keep us together, but I guess you just gotta have faith and initiative. And at the end of the day you know all you got is yourself, and no one else can think for you. Well at the end of high school all we have is a mirror, and all we can do is take a look at who we've become. Have we grown? Did we change? And then you know tomorrow means college coming a little closer and the mirror you're staring at may become a little bit clearer. GOOD LUCK CLASS OF '04. YOU REALLY NEED IT. haha

The coolest thing ever

you know what would be the coolest thing ever? if i had a band play at my party. that would be cool. or i could play myself and everyone would run away.

Goodbye High School. You will...might be missed.

I missed a blog yesterday. It wasn't very eventful though, wish it was, but I know I'll be going to school on Monday and maybe Tuesday, and definitely Wednesday, so I'm not too worried about not saying goodbyes. I think...I think I might miss this though. Can we have a high school recap? The crowd is asking for it.

Freshman year: Ahhh, ooh baby...how much did you dig those hawaiian-print shirts, orange, yellow, blue, putting one pantleg up, and acting like you were the shit because you were in high school? I cringe when I look back. But you know...that's when I started getting into Emo and started getting out of hip hop. So yeah. Plus...new friends, being the only freshman in most of my classes. Biology with Butler was so kick back. Met PRJ in Lorenzen. Honors English with Morales and really liked the people in there. We were cool, cool, cool. I'm glad.

Sophomore year: I don't know...started wearing band shirts like Saves the Day and Weezer. Went to Andover in the summer after. Made more friends. Hindu group. Got to know people better. Pretty good times.

Junior year: Good year. Well, the Chem group kinda made my days. Good shit we pulled on each other, I will miss them. We're all going our separate ways. All that Junior Prom hoopla. Going out those nights with Alex, Jackie, Lycky, and Maureen. Exposing me to good eats. I will definitely miss that. And then in the summer when they came and surprised me on my birthday. They're the best friends ever. But yeah. Gosh... that was a pretty good year.

Senior year: Only one word to describe that year and its laziness. I kinda just lived it like I didn't have anything to prove anymore, so I just let things go more than I should have. Met some good people. Had some good teachers. Late for 0 period so much. Labeled a truant. Got rejected from so many colleges, then got kinda depressed. Then now I'm here, and it seemed to blow by. Prom was pretty good, and now all that's left is graduation. Then graduation parties. And I know I'll still see my friends after this, but its not going to be the same. Lives separate from each other and stuff, that's so different.

And so that's the recap. Short and sweet. Left out all the bad stuff, kept the good stuff, and that's how I'd like to remember it. Not all that horrible stuff I felt ever before, and so this is it.

Tonight is totally bloggable.

Good friggin heavens. Whatta day. Second to last day of high school. It hasn't hit me yet and I'm still waiting. Isn't it weird to wait for something like that...essentially waiting for yourself... to realize. That its going to be over. I've got this headache right now from the concert and the smell that is in my hamper. Yeah, that's nasty. I know. So in humanities, Mr Warren gave us his karaoke CD, which I have yet to listen to. Man, I will miss the kids in that class. Some of them. But yeah. I'll miss walking with you, Hanh and Kyle. I'll miss walking to Physio, Mary, Amanda, and Tyrone. I'll miss hearing you guys everyday and laughing with you. Bitching about our assignments. Junk like that. I'll miss you. I'll miss that. And for some reason I think that on monday, I'll walk with you again, but it won't be like that. Its starting to hit me....

Other than that. Went to the Dashboard Concert. Woot! I must thank those guys for saving my life from those horrible pushers. And friggin A, that chick who was smoking in front of me. Then she let her afro out. Good idea, dumbshit. Anyway, it wasn't like the last one. It was much more intense and hardcore. Lots more pushing. Sweaty people passing me and their sweat on my lips. Gross. So I have bruises on my shins now. Let's just have a recap on the band performance:

-Val Emmich- really cool band. Got a chance to chat with them and they went to school with Thursday. They also have the same art director for their covers and stuff. Awesome. Well I know this because they saw that I was wearing my Thursday shirt and started to talk about that. Good stuff. Got their 3 song promo CD. Val is cuuuuuuuute. I've got a crush. And he's so laid back and stuff and he looks so emo. I swoon. But yeah.
-Get-Up Kids- okay. I only really liked "Mass Pike," but I did recognize the other ones. I can't figure out how his voice was so high. But yeah. Gotta love those guys. They were one of the first emo bands I checked out when I started getting into it.
-Thrice- Awesome, awesome, awesome. Except when assholes would decide that Vanessa doesn't need to breathe and completely suffocate her. Thanks, asses. But I had some good guys to protect me. Thanks, gentlemen. I especially like "Trust," "Deadbolt," "So Strange I Remember You," and "Stare In the Sun" or whatever. Good stuff.
-Dashboard- Chris was awesome tonight. He stole a line from Brand New. The one that goes like "I am paid to make girls weep with my songs" or something. Played some new songs. "So long, so long." Played old ones. Some I've never heard, but I haven't heard everything.. he called out this guy who was calling him a "pussy" and giving him the finger. Chris said, "Hey, yeah, call me a pussy. Come up here and say it to my face. Its an open mic, this is an open forum." But the guy didn't come up. Jamie was right next to him. I'd push him if I were right next to him, haha. But yeah. So it was cool. Jamie and I just stood on the edge of the crowd. It was cool because you saw the whole thing even if you weren't so close. I like that. Because even if you're not up in his face, you know he's right there in front of you in person. But yeah.

Then we got some autographs. Val Emmich. Get Up Kids. Yup yup.
There were like two possums that just popped out of the bushes. Maybe they were having possum whooppee and they were startled by all the people watching so they scurried away. Scary. They past us. I started to run away hahaha. Jamie wanted to pet them. I just can't do that.

So I'm calling it a night. Too much adventure for the day. So tomorrow the last day of high school. I'm kinda sad, but kinda relieved. No more finals. Nothing. Just all that's left is to say goodbye, but I have some time for that.

Have a good day, all.

I'm taking you with me

I'll take your picture with me on my trip to a destination unknown, and perhaps I'll remember you for who you are, but then again, maybe your picture will fade and I won't be able to recall your face.

Home again. I'm friggin' sleepy. I was online yesterday and I watched everyone sign off and put away messages on while I was the only one awake. Some people sleep really late. Craziness. Anyway, so day 1 of Physio testing is over. One more day. Maybe I'll study for it, but then again, I have two more essays to write. Guitar final tomorrow too. I can't believe that we're leaving high school in a week. I keep talking about it but it just seems like at the end of this week, we're going to school for three more months. But in three months we're moving on. Its not even hitting me yet, and I don't know if it will. After graduation, I'll just sit at home and expect that I'll be going back to IHS as a student and I'll be seeing all my friends. But hey, that's not life. Life is about moving. Keeping up a steady pace. And the next logical progression from high school is college. And that means growing up.

But...wait, they don't love you like I love you.

Man, I love the Yeah Yeah Yeahs. Wish I could see them at BFD.