This is what living like this does...

The house is quiet because my sister went to Disneyland for choir, so its just me and my parents. They're kind of funny now that I think about it. And I can't believe I'm going to leave the house this quiet when I go away for college. My sister is going to be so bored. She'll probably be online all the time anyway, though. I feel kind of bad for leaving it because, let's face it, I make this place fun. But when I went to SFSU on Thursday with my parents, I felt so unavoidably young and naive. I realized that there are so many ways that I need to grow, and I can't do that here. Here my parents will always be taking care of us and telling us what to do, and as the years go on, we'd fight a lot more. Its already getting tense right now as it is. So I must leave. Or else I might as well live in a box.

There has been a lot of time to think. To look back and stay there for a while in my mind. When I was in San Francisco, I thought I am going to remember this. I'll remember this four years from now when I'm ready to graduate; sitting in the waiting room all scared of all this that I know so well now. and it'll be like how I remember getting lost at Independence or Andover. And how I think about that now, and then think about how I was so naive back then.

You ever have those moments in your head where you are actively trying to think the right things and make yourself a better person? So you maybe realize that you're less than what you should be... but you can't figure out how to improve the odds. If you do, you can notify me so I don't feel like a freak, alright? Man...I see June coming... and I almost laugh out loud because I'm so happy, but then I think about what I'll be missing. And I almost cry out loud because I'm so sad. But then its like a movie but without a song sung with an acoustic guitar and perhaps a montage, and I feel like everything's going to be alright.

Man. It better be. How is it that I love everything right now.