What is now

I have absolutely nothing to do right now. There's nothing on TV, I've got no homework, well except for Macbeth, but I'm in no mood to read that. Just thinking now... There are a million things in my head right now. College, life, health of others, movies I've seen...ideas I've had for these last few years that have not yet seen the light of day. Am I unambitious? Lazy and unmotivated? Something inside me is tugging on "YES." But I want to trick myself into not believing it. What makes my life what it is? The fact that its nothing. Because I don't know what I've been working for. All this time it seemed that I was working for the future, when I really was working towards something trivial. Thinking sucks. I suck. And I guess "NOW" sucks. But "now" will be later someday, and hopefully that won't suck. It'll be a welcome change, anyway. I'm obviously always LOST.