Rock this way.

I don't know why I'm taking this so hard. All last night, I couldn't sleep. My eyes were open, but they weren't looking at anything, you know. Waking dreams, and things like that. I keep wondering, in the light of these major hits to my ego, what next? I haven't come up with anything. I'm failure in my eyes now. There's really no point in trying in anything at all. My senioritis has come as a result of reality. Some people are lazy, and others are jaded. I am one of the ladder.

My dad was somewhat disappointed. He got upset with me...or angry, I don't know...because where am I going to go? My mom on the other hand sounded relieved, though I was destroyed. She said, "Well, that's okay, what can you do if you're rejected. You'll just go to San Francisco." You have no idea how that kills me. You don't. I don't have the heart to tell them I want to go away. I'm cowardice personified. I think they want to blame me. He keeps asking why, but he's really asking what did you do? And I want to blame someone, but its all on me. Typing it out makes it sound ridiculous and stupid, but I deserve this. I don't even have a right to be sad or depressed. Well, anyway, I'm happy for everyone I know who have it all set and planned out. As for me, you know all my plans are just thrown out of whack because I was cocky. Can you be cocky without a cock? I don't know. I guess.

It seems like nothing ever turns out the way you expect. Or I expect. I wonder if life is just going to be one big disappointment. Picture me bitter and destructive= me right now.