I'd never let you resort to this

Last rally of high school blew. The performances were cool from what I could see, but it just seemed like this stupid thing. Kids running around everywhere. I wasn't into it. After that I just got depressed and jaded. I don't want to do this anymore. How long can you walk around and pretend that you're happy to be here? And smile and shit like that? The harder I want to be a better person, the more I notice how terrible other people really are and how I am too. Being a better person means accepting that people won't change, or accepting it when they do. And they do. I just want to get out of here now. I'm bursting out at the seams. Its weird... some days I just look around and I think about how I don't want to leave this, but those are good days. Then there are those bad days, and I look around and I see everyone and I know that I'll never see them again, and I'm fine. I see them and I think I was never part of that in the first place. I feel like I'm in a fuck it mood. All these college complications are making me crazy. Putting the wrong ssn on all my college apps and on my fafsa means I'm fuckin' in for lots of paperwork and stuff. I just want to stop all this. I don't think I'll miss not feeling involved and never being called and thinking about the future. No, no I won't. I won't miss the putrid garbage trucks or stupid gangs or administrators walking around looking for IDs. I will not miss this constant state of hope and disappointment, or going stag or prom or changing myself to feel like I'm in with the good crowd. I won't miss idiots all around me, loud and quiet, walking around like they're the shit. I won't miss some of those teachers. I'll tell you what I'll miss. I'll miss all those times I felt good because I felt like I had the best friends in the whole world, I'll miss realizing I need to be better, I'll miss talking to some people and just them in general, I'll miss their faces, and I'll miss driving home from IHS, thinking another day gone by. I won't miss the rest. Just a handful of moments I'll miss....

Oh, MC group, I'll miss them too. On the whole.