I want you to know that I miss you, I miss you so

Last night I was bawling my eyes out for reasons unknown to me...I was just thinking..."what ifs" and when I tried to get myself to stop, I couldn't so, I just thought more and I was crying for like, an hour. I don't know what's been up with me. I've been wanting to kick people's asses and say "FUCK YOU" really loud a lot. I'm hostile.

Anyway, I was going to put some depressing garbage in here, but then I woke walked out of the door this morning and it looked so pretty. So I think today doesn't deserve one of those entries. I think it deserves something sunny, because that's what today is. So what can I say today?

Hmm...maybe a memory? How about a description of a dream I had? I didn't really have any fun ones lately... an opinion? That wouldn't work...

Remember that essay I wrote on Sunday for the scholarship? I'm afraid my dad read it and now knows how much I care for them. AH. Great. Why can't I just be left as the callous, uncaring daughter? HUH? Anyway, I can't deal with the affection stuff with my parents, even when I want to. Its hard... I don't know what I'd ever do if it counted... I'm such a bad daughter, but I love them a lot. They're talking about getting double jobs just to put me through the college that I want to go to. But I don't want to do that to them at all, so I think I might just go to SJSU... which makes me kind of sad inside, but in the long run, I will know I did them better.