i am a b-i-t-c-h

I'm PMSing badly. You can tell huh? You should be, I'm not this hostile all the time. Just a few days out of the month. Blame it on the womanly cycle. Plus there's all this stress and such over college. Some days I just dedicate an hour or two fantasizing about living in a dorm room with a microfridge and boys down the hall, and then I'm happy. Or I horrify myself thinking about commuting to SJSU and picking up my sister and cousins everyday at school. Then I get sad. Either way, its growing up kind of. And I don't know if the world is ready for me to make my own decisions or if I'm ready for that matter. There are all these bumps and I'm getting tired of taking care of them. It would be easier if everything just worked themselves out. I feel the senioritis. I didn't even turn in my Econ worksheet...and I turn everything in, always. But I didn't. And I'm really really really lazy to read Machiavelli. He can kiss my ass, my fat ass. I really don't give a fuck about his advice on politics. And I sure as shit don't want to write about it.

My cousin and I are planning to go to all these concerts this summer. He's 13, but he's a Emo kid, so he's really into music. It can make or break his mood, I can tell because I'm the same way. I do feel excited because I swear, I think he's the only one I know who has a pretty good taste in music. Or maybe its just because he likes the same stuff as me in the same way. Either way, I think he'd enjoy this stuff. So we're thinking about going to Juliana Theory in SF in April for his bday and the Warped Tour because some of our favorite bands are playing. I'm excited, really. My Chemical Romance breaks my heart in a good way everytime I hear their stuff and I really want to see them play. Eh... wishful thinking. I'm too afraid to drive there in my little car because that'll make me feel like I'm committing suicide, so we'd rather take the BART, which may be an issue with his parents. Maybe not mine. I don't know. However, it is imperative that we go to these concerts, or else I may die of a broken heart (in a bad way). Plus, I want to get cheap posters to hang up in my dorm room (cross fingers).

My dad just said to me: "Maybe you guys can wash your car. Its a nice day." That man is hilarious.

Oh yeah! Went to the Winterguard show last night. Logan is tiiiiiiight...oh man. Both Logan guards are pretty awesome. We were cool too. I don't really remember who else performed. But yeah... nice.

Things I look forward to:
--College. Whether I stay home or not, it'll mean out of IHS, away from idiots, away from those "cool kids." Fresh start.
--Living on my own. One day... I'll be able to put on a record and just sit or watch TV all alone or walk around naked. Whatever. No more mommy telling me to drink milk or daddy to tell me to wash my car. Probably a phone call asking me what I ate though.
--You know I really look forward to having kids. I don't know what it is... my maternal instincts I guess. Though I might get annoyed more times than not, I think it'd be nice to have a connection with this person who was inside of you. Kids amaze me. They do. How do they cope with everything around them? They're cute miracle workers. They really are. And of course, they say the darndest things. I think it'd be great to be sitting in the stands at a recital or a tee-ball game with a camcorder cheering them on. I want to be a great mom.
--Saving the world. Whatever I do in life, it won't be for nothing.
--Concerts. Duh. Of course. Watch my heart melt in the middle of a hundred sweaty kids singing along to our favorite songs.

I am one hopeless character. This is one long post.