Enough to make me cringe.

I feel...defeated. I think that everytime around this time of the year I feel defeated. Because its Christmas and its supposed to be happy and stuff, and sometimes, I feel it. I mean, I'm with my family and I get really nostalgic. I remember when we were all little. Do you remember? Remember when we would just run upstairs with all our presents and go into a room and sort them out. And I remember that excitement. Its something in my head, but its not tangible anymore. Few things give me that feeling. Christmas isn't what it used to be. And I'm scared. Because as time goes by, we're getting farther and farther from what it used to be. And everything eventually just fades away....and I'm freaked out. I remember taking those pictures. Getting ready to go to my grandma's house. And my aunt's house. And I hated the feeling of wearing tights in the Winter. I hated that. But I don't know anymore. All I know is that I miss it all. And I'm having a hard time growing up and adapting to change. Looking out through these eyes, it feels like I suddenly stepped into another world. Everyone and everything is changing, or has changed. And I'm looking out at them...I can't get over it.

I avoid looking in the mirror, because I only see the same person, stuck someplace between being a kid and growing up.