Physical pain

Welcome to SJSU. Future Spartan. Ah. No. Please.

Well, I think this is my worst nightmare. Something I never expected. Every since I was little, I thought I would go away for college and become a doctor and have the college life you see in movies. But I couldn't even maintain that ambition. And its not like I fulfilled any ideas I had as a kid of the person I should be now. I'm such a failure. This only makes me feel like a failure.

Thank God for Mr. Warren though. I'm so grateful that he corrected my UC essays. Man.

All this college application stuff is causing me physical pain. Its depressing me to no end. And I wish I could go back in time and tell myself not to cut that class or to do that homework or study for that test and join that club because I think that it would have made a difference. I think I made a lot of mistakes in high school, and that's part of the reason why I never enjoyed it. Damnit, I knew it would come to this. I was so fuckin' arrogant. I thought I could slack my way into college. But I'm defeated. I'm defeated. I got into State. I'm a failure to myself. I hate this. Hate thinking about this. I wish everyone would just go away and time could freeze. Because its been on my mind nonstop for a while now. I just want to prove something. I just want to get into one UC. Why did I fuck up so badly? I'm so stupid. My dad is on my back and I think he's starting to lose hope in me. I'm the oldest. The oldest and the first failure. The first one to stop short of his expectations. I'm so sad. I wish I could do this for them. But I can't. I can't even do it for myself. I can't do this.

Dear Mr. Time,
Thanks for being so kind. Truth is I ignored you for a while and took you foregranted and now everything around me is changing and leaving me behind because I forgot to look at the clock and notice everyone as they left. But here everyone is beginning to get sick. Mr. Time if you would be so kind as to allow them to have you for a lot more. And I promise, I won't take advantage of you.

Sincerely,
your friend,
Vanessa E.

Everything sucks.