I left the best of me in the past.

Do you ever think that if you liken your life to a movie, you're now living the previews, waiting for the feature presentation? Sitting there and all, the lights are still on, and you're half-way through with your popcorn already...but still waiting?..I feel like that sometimes. I feel like that now. And I know that if you have read this blog before that you know and you're tired of reading about it.

Earlier, I was just thinking about my grandparents. They left us, knowing that they'd be gone for an indefinite length of time, and I feel kind of bad. Maybe I should have cried. Maybe something. I don't know. I feel like I'm owing everyone something. I don't know, what happens when breathing isn't even for yourself? Ah. Geez, all this sitting and thinking is killing me. I'm a ticking bomb. I just want to get to the movie already.

I was venting in my real journal today. Here's something, but really nothing.

July 6, 2003
Sunday
Dear You,
I've resorted to impersonal greetings.
...
--VAnessa

The best thing and the worst thing is that you can go back to it. You can see what kind of idiot you are, you can recall your thoughts, you can find out what you felt about this person or that person and then what you feel about him or her now. I don't know, my thoughts have been going down down down down lately. I get too much time to think. In Guitar, I wish we'd learn something other than little finger exercises. That would be nice. What else would be nice? Another tub of popcorn...I'm running out and the movie hasn't started yet.