We have everything to forget

My grandparents left for the Philippines today. We all went over and had lunch and said our goodbyes. This goodbye is different. All the other times we knew they would come back in two years, but this time, its undetermined. The government is barring my grandma, who is not a US citizen from visiting so often, she has to stay in the Philippines or in America. So it could be years till we see them. I could be finished with college when they come again. And then my grandma said something, "...if we're still alive then." Shit, that makes me want to cry. Its morbid, and you just want to walk away with your hands over your ears, but its in the back of your head. Is this the last time we will see each other? I pray to God it isn't. I honestly pray. My grandpa made us say goodbye twice to him, once because we were going out and he didn't think we'd be back in time, and then when they left. See, these are the people you can't help but want to satisfy. People who worked so hard to bring you here to where you are now, in front of a computer screen, taken care of in your warm home.

I can't remember the last time my cousins and I went out to play football in the front yard. We used to do it all the time. We would play football and baseball, sometimes tennis, and always basketball. But we haven't done that in a while. So today we did. It was hella fun. But its different because a lot of my cousins aren't little kids anymore, they're mostly teenagers now. And since I'm near the oldest, I remember what they all were like when we were young, even if they don't. And its just weird. I wonder how parents react. Because they're there for the beginning.

Why did Dead Elm Records release a compilation album full of songs telling people not to kill themselves? Most of the artists on their label make me want to kill myself.