Cleaning slates

I haven't been to confess my sins since the first time, and I feel like its accumalating or however you spell it because everyday I feel like a worse person than the day before. So if you don't want to read this, you know what, don't. You don't need to know me. You can skip these serious entries and move on to the witty ones. Were there any. So why don't you deny this aspect of my character, because I always have to hide it anyway.

--There is a box. In the box is a keepsake that my Godmother gave to me. Its a gold bracelet. Underneath the pad, there are two blades. Blades I used to cut myself. Blades only used once, but saved for later use. I have not used them since.
--I blasted people in my diary. My parents, my sister, people I care about. Its no less different as what I do in here, but in the same manner, its no less shameful.
--I entertain vain fantasies of being in a rock band, and maybe it isn't sinful, but its so badass, it needs to be here =P
--Sometimes I want to have an intelligent, meaningful conversation, and I resent the folks that surround me, because a lot of the time they can't do it for me. How many friends do you have that you can honestly say have seen you when you were sad, truly sad, and you never had to cover it up with stupid jokes? Most everyone I know, don't know the real me. The sad me. Because I feel obligated to chat them up with witty conversation and I need to laugh and be cheery for them. I get tired and I want to know someone that I don't need to bullshit with.
--Sometimes I value my music higher than my family.
--I think I use the word "hot" too much. Outer appearance matters. Sure. But I'm afraid that I make it seem that its all that matters. Not true. Where would I be if that were true? Okay sure, these guys on TV are hot, but they're not real people, they're only the characters they play. And that's not what matters. I actually don't place people so highly based on looks.
--I can think of a handful of instances where I was blatantly selfish.
--I can think of a handful of instances where I was too proud to do the right thing. And that happens a lot.
--I can think of a handful of instances where I advertised the wrong message about myself. I'm not badass. I'm not punk rock. I'm not this super-interesting person. I find fun in sitting down and watching hours of Trading Spaces on a Sunday. I've newly found my faith. I have somewhat traditional values. But do you know what they are? Probably not, because all we ever talk about are movies and music. Do you know me? I'm afraid no one knows me.

This isn't all of it. I wish I could think of the rest. There is a mess waiting for me in my room. I was cleaning it out earlier and I thought of all this. This that makes me guilty, this that I can't let go of. If you can honestly say that you know what values I hold dear I'll be surprised. I don't know what you think a friend is, but I have enough acquaintances to know what those are.