Babysitter's club

Adding a cool song to the cool cover song list:
--"Mona Lisa" by Me First and the Gimme Gimmes [Nat King Cole]
I'm a jazz fan.

I haven't had the chance to blog because I sleep at my aunt's house most days now. Its hard to sleep there for reasons unknown to me, maybe its because I know I'll wake up to a screaming baby at 6:41 in the morning. Anyway, I move to their room at 4 o'clock in the morning when my aunt leaves for work. The said screaming baby moves a lot in his sleep. I swear, he took my spot and I had to move to the foot of the bed and I had to watch him and make sure that he didn't fall of the bed until I could get my spot back...oh and that kid snores like a monster. Lemme tell you...its like a preview of what's to come. Gee whiz.

Anyway, so tonight is one of my rare nights of freedom. I only get about three or four of these in the week. So that's why I'm never online, and not that anyone IMs me, but yeah, that's why I'm not here. I go to their guest room and read my copy of Sons and Lovers or the Fall catalog of Urban Outfitters and drool over those hot Pumas, and I write in my journal about how I don't want to have kids anymore. This experience changes my views on premarital sex...don't have it. Unless you want to risk a chance at having a kid...oh geez, you don't want that. I find myself trying not to cry every night before I get there because it feels so overwhelming...like I don't have a life anymore. Before I become a mother, I'll make sure to take a very, very deep breath. And I'm totally angry at the man who caused all this stupid crap for making such bad decisions and hurting his kids like this. Man, another thing, make sure to marry the right kind of man. The kind of man who will put his family above all. Not give into stupid temptation. Not be weak. I hate being a babysitter. Most of my friends get summer jobs which they might hate, but at least they get to sleep in their own beds, and at least they don't have to have this big of a responsibility.

My mood is so dead. I am so looking forward to the one week of freedom I have in August when I go to the Engineering program at SCU.

I'm getting all these college viewbooks and they all make me fantasize about get farther and farther away from here. And severing ties with my family, because I'm tired of being the one they go to. I'm honored that they consider me to be that responsible, but they go to me for a lot of things. And they are trying to tell me what to do with my life. My sister and I were laughing tonight playing, talking about what we want to be when we grow up...and we said things like:

Me: I want to make plants!
Sister: What?
Me: YOu know, get pregnant with a plant and have plants!

Me: I want to make soap!
Sister: I want to be a rodeo clown!

It was funny. And I realized that my mom wants me to choose a career in demand and my dad wants me to do whatever it is I want to do as long as I go to college. So I don't know, I'm glad that they want me to go to college, it just means that they won't care as much when I run.