No, wait, but listen, I'm talking to you.

Tomorrow. Is. Mother's. Day. I got my mom a card. That's it. And I think we're making her breakfast. But you know, she doesn't eat that much. Hahaha. I think I'm a shitty daughter for real. If that ever was a crime, I'd be in shitty-daughter-court. Right now I am waiting for SNL because Adrian Brody is hosting. The only movie I've seen him in is Liberty Heights. And he played some pathetic guy, so pardon me if I say that it really didn't display the best of his acting skills. Dude, I am really bored with my playlist. Does anyone have any suggestions? Good bands? Good solos? I'm okay with anything except for country. Really. Because I retired the cowboy boots and those flannel skirts. They just didn't work for me. sorry ya'll.

You know what? (will I regret blogging this later on?) I am sick of myself. I hate waking up every morning. Some days I look in the mirror and I feel daring, but then I put my hair up in the same ponytail I put it in for the last five years. And then I walk to my room, turn on my radio to "Vampires Will Never Hurt You" and then I get dressed in the same clothes I always wear (a hoodie and jeans), and then I walk down the stairs and pick between my Pumas or my Nikes. I hate that I am so routine. That when I feel like I can go out and challenge the world, I fall into being me. You know why? Because I'm so fucking afraid of everything. Because I can only say what I feel and do what I want when I am alone or in front of a piece of paper or this keyboard. That only so many people can know what I really think about things because 80% of the time I'm modifying what I say to the person I am speaking with. And I'm fucking tired of everything. You'd hate yourself by now if you were me. This constant worry. And believe me, I wish I were as confident as you, and sometimes I feel like I am, but I'm not. I'm stupid, awkward, and afraid. I liken myself to Chuckie from the Rugrats. That crazy hair, those funky glasses, same clothes all the time, dorky, afraid, passive...Look, see, I just compared myself to a cartoon character...how retarded is that?

Oh my friggin goodness...I watched the Kings game tonight. Friggin good shit. I also changed my wallpaper. It is Vince Carter in his sexy pose. I'm getting a step closer to happiness by seeing his face everyday. Oh, Vince, will you be mine? haha.

Oh yeah, I got honked at today. I cut this guy off...oops. I really didn't mean to. I didn't see him. I should have checked my mirrors. Dude I suck. I have a feeling that I will be doing a lot of chauffering this Summer. Or how about forever?

This coming week is going to be hell. Fucking Mateer, man. I swear, I'll just make Mateer mean "bitch" so I could call people "mateers" instead of "bitches." She's so mean. Its not even fucking funny. Hard to see any nice in her. Fuck menopause. Don't they have medicine for that? Fucking mateer. Damn, I hate her.