I swear its not contagious


today i am STUPID.

So I am going to try this new thing in which I will post a picture of myself everyday and most, if not all the time, it will depict my disposition. Be my disposition sunny, hey, I'll put a big picture of the sun. How about that? Sounds cool to me. Today's disposition was taken by my toes while I sat down, because otherwise, if I take it with my hands, the picture will be too close and no one wants to see me that close anyways.

I got my prom stuff. The only thing I am worrying about is how I will make my face. Everything else is fine. Oh and the dress, I haven't seen it yet. Countdown to prom: 7 days.


I really feel like writing something right now. Not a poem, because poems are like required to be deep, and I'm not feeling all that deep right now. I feel shallow. haha. I want to write a story. A cool story, like the ones I would read, but everything I write ends up sounding like a twelve-year-old girl's diary. Its really very sad.

My grandparents are coming from the Philippines tomorrow. I'm apprehensive. The last time I saw my grandma I had an emotional breakdown. I'm not joking. I started crying and accusing people of controlling my life...and my grandma was witness to that. I was threatening to kill myself. "How would like it if I took a knife to my wrist right in front of you?" I said, crying. Damn, what a loser. And that was a few days before she left for the Philippines. And I had to apologize to my aunt...and I didn't speak to my parents for about two weeks, and then they finally got mad, demanded I apologize, my dad even slapped me, they started telling me to run away but not to take any of my stuff, because they bought it, and so it was technically theirs, and then I just cried, and seriously was going to, but I had no place to go, and my mom just hugged me and that's the pathetic ending. I called my aunt and apologized. My grandma was smiling throughout the whole thing, I know. As if I were jumping around like a monkey, because that's how it was. Sucks that the last thing she probably remembers of me is me being a weak, suicidal, stupid kid. I'm over it. But I'm nervous about hugging them and saying, "Hi grandma and grandpa," like they never saw it. I'm stupid.

Overall though, today I am stupid.