Waste away

"Never never wanted this. Always wanted to believe. Never never wanted this..."

I think I love AFI. Really. I love their music. Well, maybe that's just right now because I'm in a rut.

Friggin Mateer changed our seats today. Not that they're bad, but I sit by the wall...what the hell is that? The fuckin dirty-ass wall. Its so dumb. I think she caught on to us and our cheating. But from where I sit, she has now enabled cheating. So, really, she has negated the whole process. Weird day it was. Got out of 3rd early to go to the rally. 4th was incredibly unlong. 5th was boring as usual. 6th and ridiculous Grapes of Wrath test. "Walk away. Heard them say, 'Poison hearts will never change'" Yeah. AFI. Last night I slept at 10, so I guess that's why today was so weird, I wasn't as sleepy.

I got this letter yesterday about the National Young Leaders Conference. Turns out Catollico recommended me. I think he is now my favorite teacher. What's different about his class is that he not only tells us about events in history, he also tells us about how the people who lived it felt. He tells us especially about minorites. That, I think is weird. Because its mostly about Mexican-Americans and African-Americans. But yeah. He's cool. There's no real deadline on things. He doesn't care if you eat or do homework or sleep. He's really tall. Haha. One concern about this NYLC is that its gonna be an alone thing for me again. Like Andover was. And not that it wasn't fun, but I spent a week trying to find some dependable friends. Friends are what made it so fun. I'm worried that at NYLC, it would only be people that I didn't get alone with at Andover. Those type of people. I'm not so sure that I respect this conference. I barely respect our country's current leader. I don't respect this war at all, because I see it as selfish and wrong. I'm proud to be a pacifist and an idealist, because I'm young. Young people are generally pacifists and idealists. Ideally, I don't see a war. But this is not the ideal, because if it was, Bush wouldn't be our president, would he? So, I think what this conference is trying to do is to train future leaders.

I had a weird dream last night. It involved a carnival. Its just weird to talk about. Really. And family was there. Traveling. And I think that I was happy when I woke up, but I can't remember why. I only remember one part.

Now I'm listening to: Common Sense- "Soul By the Pound"

Hey, isn't "Love of My Life" by Erykah Bady about Hip Hop? Like Common Sense's "I Used to Love H.E.R.?" I thought it was, because in her video for the song it says "A tribute to Hip Hop." So I assume by the "love of her life," she is speaking of Hip Hop.

I have a few before my download finishes. What do you think I should talk about? How about how pissed off I was today. Everything and everyone pissed me off. Not joking. Everything and everyone. Especially at the rally. Then at lunch. And hearing fucking Eric fucking trying to fucking talk in Spanish. You fuckin idiot, stop trying. I'm so hostile. This reminds me of the time I dreamt that I beat my cousin up and then the week after, I totally felt like kicking ass the whole time. Well, I guess since Powderpuff is over and I think I enjoyed getting hit and doing the hitting, I feel like kicking so much ass. Really. Don't put any weapons in my hand. Because I feel so pissed off.