Do you think you can save my heart?

If this heart is worth saving. I just downloaded "Vampires Will Never Hurt You" by My Chemical Romance (which is a band that I really really L-O-V-E). Its so....agh....it just makes all those emotions come and jump, and words swim in my closed mouth, and then tears well...and it makes me want to cry, because I really haven't been able to. And I feel like I have been talking to no one, and that I will always be talking to no one. And its so pathetic because I feel so...dumb. So dumb. And I fear night because I will not be able to stay awake, then morning will come...When morning comes...The day begins...The day is dangerous...never know what's gonna happen. What will screw you up. How you'll feel by the end. Then its night again. All over. It begins again. And at this point, you are alone, because you can only fall asleep alone. I fear these nights, because tears do not come...

I've been thinking a lot lately. Two more months and I'm a happy camper. But before that there's an assload of stupid tests. An assload of shit that is so "important." I was reading my old essays that I wrote for my Ethics class. Heh, they're pretty damn good. That class really made me think. Which is why I enjoyed it. But now...now how can I enjoy Calculus if I'm only doing it because I feel like I have to? Or Chemistry, for that matter? There is no class that I picked because I personally wanted to take it. And colleges want that sort of crap? For a person to act only with the motivation of getting into college? So you want a subservient "scholar." Yeah, well I say screw it. From now on, I'm picking classes that I want to take, because suddenly the future is in front of my face, and I'm only going to live it for me. I'm gonna live it for my parents and my grandparents, but I won't let them rule it. Colleges want robots. They want kids who join clubs and cheat to get A's and help out the homeless, but only so they can include it in their applications. They want those kids that can manipulate words, and look good in suits or skirts when they are interviewed. Kids who are happy to throw away their future for a shot at a college for the name and reputation they will earn. I just want to do something that will keep me happy. Schools are stupid. You wonder why kids are so fucked up? Its because leaders of today create a world that they feel they have to escape from. They create a world that holds them by the hand, then suddenly lets go and pushes them forward into reality. When they should've been living in reality the whole time. You know what? No, I don't believe in mankind anymore. Hope is gone into the air.

Now I'm feeling really cynical. So...the answer to my question, "Do you think you can save my heart?" I think this heart is already lost.

p.s. Oh yeah, I saw 8 Mile today. I was skeptical going into it, but it wasn't that bad a movie. Eminem isn't a bad actor, either. The storyline, I think, is what pissed me off, because its so slow and redundant. 3/5 stars. Haha. It was okay. Not the best.