To add,

I want to add something to my blog about the music. And the guy or girl in his or her car. They should be motionless but the movements of their hands on the wheel. No humming. No music. Loud thinking. We see the thoughts through the lines on his or her face. We see it all. The face has betrayed what the inside has struggled to conceal. As the climax of the song comes, we see maybe that this man or woman has reached the destination. They are home. Or far from home. The farthest point. Can you dream? So I can hear you...

Why is it that the only place I can be forlorn is in this blog? Why is it that I find it so easy to maintain my feelings here than my little green book? Sad, dont' you think? I do think. I do think so.

Today is my New Year. No more of that old stuff. I realize that some of you are wondering What old stuff? to yourselves right now, but I won't type a word, and you'll never know. Its coming off all secretive. Well, I don't deserve to tell anyone anything. These words are confusing and garbage. No one will ever get it. But this is addressed to me. As a reminder. Its published. Its on the page. I can' t go back on it. I know what I'm talking about (hopefully). I hate the sadness I keep. I hate that I keep it. I let it stew around. Let it come back every so often. Like now and then, right after feeling really happy. I wonder if my posterity will inherit this misery. If they do, I hope then I can be there for them. I wonder what I'll be like five years from now. Probably poppin pills. Lookin for faith. Paranoid. About friends. About family. About everything. I am so FUCKED UP right now. I don't know what it is. Seems like I'm always like this. I'm thinking about changing the name of this blog because I haven't been witty in a while. How about, "Fuck you, I'm sad right now?" Sound good? Yeah, I didn't think so either. Eh, I'll let myself sleep now. My parents will probably come out of their room soon and yell at me because they think that staying up late will make into a bad kid or something. Crazies.

Goodnight.