A life less ordinary (?)

Today I shot a lion and then fed it to a carnivorous giraffe. Then Jeff Corwin came in we went through the Jungle. As we were stalking our way through the trees, we heard footsteps. I held my hand up at him to signal him to stop. We stopped. Then out of the brush, we saw this 6'6" hottie. He introduced himself as "Vince." I thought, Damn...we should be in the rain forest, because you're so fuckin hot. We trekked on. We encountered talking monkeys and angry birds. They attempted to assasinate Jeff fourteen times, at which Vince would grab them in the air with his bare hands and throw them back into trees. He was fearless. The giraffe came to us again. "I'm still hungry," it said. Jeff let go of all his inhibitions and replied, "Bitch, you're fat." Then the giraffe charged at us, fiery revenge in its eyes. We ran and ran. Unfortunately, Jeff caught his leg on a vine. He yelled at us to keep running, and so we did. When Vince and I finally escaped the jungle, we went back to civilization in a little raft, which we took on the river.

Sadly, that was not my day. I did not shoot a lion or hang out with Jeff Corwin and Vince. I went back to school. Back to hell. My eye was messed up the whole time. Turns out my contact was fucked up. It had a hole in it or some shit. Hella boring. I got a C- Calculus, my pop is gonna kick my ass. Fuck. I have an A- in English and AP chem, a B- in Spanish, and an A in US History. After school, I told my mom I was going to the library but I took my sister and cousin to Starbucks and stuff around there. Didn't see Mr. Hot. Damnit. Anyway, on our way home, we saw our one and only older cousin, Stan. He hopped in the car with his girlfriend. He tried to have me "peel", but I couldn't do it. I blame it on the friggin Tercel, but I'm sure it was just me. I'm sleepy. Couldn't get to sleep until 2 last night because I don't know, I'm not used to it.